


Deepest Darkest Secret

by andonewillbringhisfall



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Soulmate AU, eighth year au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-02 12:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 23,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andonewillbringhisfall/pseuds/andonewillbringhisfall
Summary: Soulmate AU where you're born knowing your soulmate's biggest secret.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This soulmate AU was not my idea, I found it on a post somewhere. The fic is going to have around 20 chapters and I'll probably update at least twice a week, maybe more. Find me on Tumblr @andonewillbringhisfall

Chapter 1. Baz.

My soulmate is the Insidious Humdrum.

I’ve known this since before I was old enough to know what the Insidious Humdrum was. At first I thought I was actually going to fall in love with the Insidious Humdrum, which confused the hell out of me. Is it even human? (Then again, I’m not human, either.) How could I fall in love with a supervillain?

I don’t think anyone in the World of Mages actually understands what the Humdrum is. In the break before eighth year, I sat in on a series of Old Family meetings, each more useless than the last. Some of them are about strategy and the Mage. Fiona keeps insisting that I have to know things about Snow that we can use to our advantage.

‘We avoid each other as much as we can,’ I keep telling her. ‘He fell asleep on his Latin homework at least six times last year. That’s all I’ve got.’

It’s a lie. Fiona’s right; I do know things about Snow. Everyone knows their soulmate’s deepest secret, even if their soulmate doesn’t know it themselves. His future biggest secret is the darkest, most important one, and the one that the least number of people will ever know.

It makes sense that it’s him. I’ve been hopelessly in love with him since fifth year and it already feels like a lifetime. He’s got his fingerprints all over my soul. It has to be him.

Not that I’ll ever admit it to my family. My love, my downfall, my biggest secret. (Bigger than the fact that I’m a vampire, because there are at least three adults who know about that, and I’m never telling anyone about Simon.)

The last Old Family meeting before school started wasn’t about the Mage or the war, but about the Insidious Humdrum. They like to threaten the Mage about his lack of progress with the Humdrum, but honestly, they don’t know any more than Snow and his Magelings do. Every time we have a meeting like this, everyone puts forth the same pointless theories and arguments and we all go around in circles.

When I was ten years old I finally figured out what these adults are still yet to realise; that the Humdrum isn’t the monster we’ve all been imagining it to be. It might just be a boy. Then when I met Simon Snow the following year, it was obvious that he was different to the rest of us. He shone brighter, he had more magic than anyone else could even fathom, and it didn’t work the same way as magic does for us. He was the Chosen One, meant to save us all. They had to be connected.

I hated him immediately. I knew even before I met him that someday I would take him down.

I used to fantasise that he might secretly be the Insidious Humdrum, planning to destroy us all while pretending to be a hero, and I’d get to be the one to expose him to the world, because I had the advantage of knowing his secret.

Then it occurred to me that he’d have to be my soulmate for that to be the case, and I quickly scrapped the idea.

Snow was a clumsy, useless idiot who could barely tie his shoelaces let alone cast a spell, and who knew nothing about magic. Besides, he clearly wasn’t the Insidious Humdrum, seeing as he was the one meant to kill the thing.

In third year I started noticing other things, like the moles on Snow’s cheek and that particular look he’d get in his eyes when I’d pissed him off and he was absolutely determined to get me back, and how it did strange things to my stomach.

_And one will come to end us. And one will bring his fall_. (They were connected, how could it possibly not be him?) (No. Just a stupid crush. Not my soulmate.)

Fourth year was when Snow started trailing Wellbelove like a lovesick puppy. The first thing I felt was relief. Surely this was just more proof that he wasn’t my soulmate? (But, of course, it was really just proof that I wasn’t his. Love so often isn’t mutual; why should soulmates be any different?) The relief didn’t last long, especially in fifth year when they started dating, and I found it a constant struggle not to push him down another flight of stairs.

If only he _was_ my soulmate, I thought, and I could expose him as the Insidious Humdrum and settle our little rivalry once and for all. _I win_.

After fifth year, I couldn’t keep lying to myself.

Since then I’ve sat through more of these meetings than I can count. Fiona always asks me for information on Snow, and I always keep quiet. Even though I believe that the Mage, and by extension his Heir, is a tyrant. Even though I want to do right by my mother. Even though I’m going to fight Snow one day, and he’ll probably kill me. I never tell them.

‘The holes are appearing at an alarming rate,’ one of the Grimms says. ‘It’s been getting a lot worse over the last few months, though we haven’t seen anything new since July.’

July. The end of the school term, when Snow went back to the home. How is it that no-one has made the connection?

‘There have been rumours that the Humdrum is corporeal,’ my father says.

I’m the one who told him that. Snow told me he met the Humdrum at the end of last year. He said it was wearing his eleven-year-old face. I didn’t tell my father that part.

Fiona drives me to school the day after the meeting.

‘Do what you can, Basilton,’ she says. ‘The Chosen One will be trying to figure out the Humdrum too. Eavesdrop whenever you can.’

I roll my eyes. ‘I have to study, not spend my time trailing after Snow and his Magelings.’

She ignores me. ‘Hex them for information if you have to.’

I give her a side-eyed glare and get out of the car.

‘I’ll see you later,’ I say, slamming the door.

If the Old Families knew about Snow – hell, even if the Mage knew, though he’s supposed to be on Snow’s side -  I couldn’t watch what they’d do to him. I couldn’t bear to have him taken away from me.

His secret is safe with me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2. Simon.

I’ve just managed to walk across and open the window when Penny bursts into the room.

‘Penny!’ I practically yell. I haven’t seen her the whole summer.

‘Simon!’ She barrels across the room and envelops me in a hug.

I hold her for a moment and then pull back. ‘You can’t be here. Baz could get here any second.’

She scoffs. ‘Fuck him, we have important things to discuss.’

‘He’ll report you –’

‘Then let’s make it quick,’ Penny cuts in. ‘Did anything happen over the break?’

I shake my head. ‘No. No sign of the Humdrum, and nothing attacked me except for a goblin on the way here.’

‘Good,’ Penny says. ‘I don’t know if you’ve spoken to the Mage yet, but there haven’t been any new holes either. Not since the end of seventh year.’

‘Okay.’

We’ve noticed that the Humdrum never sends things after me in the summers and that new holes never open up, almost as if it’s inactive outside the school year. We don’t know what it means, except it’s obvious that the Humdrum is sentient and works with a pattern. It has a plan.

‘The Old Families have been threatening the Mage,’ Penny continues. ‘You know, the usual, if you can’t deal with the Humdrum you’re an incompetent leader.’

‘They could try to help,’ I mutter.

She sighs. ‘But they’re right. The Mage hasn’t gotten anywhere, unless he’s keeping something from us, and neither have we.’

It’s only a matter of time before everything explodes. The Old Families are getting antsy and at the end of last year the Mage wouldn’t stop calling me off for missions and talking about war. I think if we don’t figure this out soon, one of the two sides will eventually snap and declare war, and I’m going to have to do my part.

The most important thing will be to stop the biggest threat. And knowing what I know about him, that’s Baz.

‘You need to go,’ I tell Penny. ‘He’s going to be here soon.’

She nods. ‘Okay. How have you been, Simon?’ She walks towards the door.

‘Fine. I’m here, aren’t I?’ I say with a small smile. ‘I’ll see you at dinner.’

‘We still need to talk about what happened last year,’ Pen says.

‘I know. Later.’

The Humdrum appeared to us in corporeal form at the end of last year, at the worst possible time. It was right after I found Agatha alone with Baz in the Wavering Wood, standing close together. I’d gone looking for them after I realised they were both missing at the same time. Penny’s always said I’m too obsessed with Baz. And it’s not that I have to know where my girlfriend is every second of the day, but it was both of them missing at the same time that worried me.

I have good reason to believe that she’s not safe around him.

My soulmate is a vampire.

It used to fascinate me, back when I lived in the homes without magic.

‘My soulmate is a vampire,’ I’d brag to the other kids. Everyone else got told off if they shared their soulmate’s biggest secret, but I only ever got told off for lying. But it was _true._ I just knew it, the way you’re supposed to just know.

When the Mage showed up and told me all about the magickal world, everything started to make sense.

‘Are there vampires?’ It was the first thing I said when the Mage asked me if I had any questions. I was still too shocked to comment on the whole existence-of-magic issue, and it seemed like the most important question at the time.

‘Yes, Simon,’ he said, ‘but most mages are human, and vampires are extremely dangerous. We don’t associate with them. But don’t worry, there are no vampires at Watford.’

I frowned. How could my soulmate be a vampire if they were bad?

Agatha and I have been dating since fifth year, and even though my soulmate was supposed to be a vampire, I was sure she wasn’t one. She’s pale enough to pass as one, I guess, but I don’t really know what a vampire looks like. We’ve snogged, though, and I’m pretty sure I would’ve noticed if she had fangs sticking out of her mouth. Besides, Agatha would never do anything as uncouth as drinking blood, and I also probably would have noticed that.

So Agatha’s definitely not a vampire, but I figured that it didn’t matter. She’s perfect, and her family loves me, and I could see us having a future. I could see us getting married. All of that was better than a soulmate who murders and drinks human blood.

Fifth year was also the year I started following Baz around the Catacombs at night, sure that he was up to something. When Agatha and I started dating I was _this close_ to figuring him out. I had all these clues – he never needed a light down there, I never saw him eating, he never seemed tired in class even after nights when I followed him around until dawn and could barely keep my eyes open the next day.

I had no idea what any of these things had to do with one another. Penny thought I was just making shit up because I was so desperate to find something. But I knew there was something I was missing, and that I just needed to figure out what it was and then everything would make sense.

Then I found the first dead rat. I didn’t think anything of it at first, until I started finding more of them and finally thought to look closer. There was rarely any trace of blood near their bodies, yet they all had two perfect puncture marks in their necks or on the sides of their bodies. The marks were deep and round and they didn’t look like the work of any beast I knew. (Or one that would be lurking around the Watford catacombs, anyway.)

I’d never seen a vampire bite before, but I’d seen enough movies and pictures to know what they looked like.

There was a vampire lurking around Watford, and I had a pretty good idea who it was.

It all made sense. He’s unnaturally pale, he can see in the dark, he doesn’t like to eat in front of other people. He was probably worried someone would notice his fangs.

Everybody is in danger. He could Turn someone whenever he chose. I suppose the only reason he hasn’t Turned me yet or killed me is because of the Anathema.

I’ve told Penny that I’m sure Baz is a vampire, but I haven’t told her the rest of it. About my soulmate. So she doesn’t understand why I freak out the way I do every time I see Agatha alone with him.

At the end of last year when I saw them standing so close together in the Wood, I panicked. My magic exploded before I could even get to them. The last thing I saw before the Humdrum whisked me away – and Penny, who had grabbed my arm – was Baz’s smirking face.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3. Agatha.

It’s awkward when I see Simon again.

We haven’t really talked to each other since he saw me with Baz in the Wood last year. When he and Penny showed up again they were both too shaken to do anything but let the Mage hurry them to his office for questioning. I tried to do my part and play the concerned girlfriend, running after them, and of fucking course I wasn’t allowed in.

They’re my only friends in this school, and when something big and important happens, I get shut out.

Anyway. Now that it’s eighth year and the Humdrum isn’t around, Simon is all attentive again.

‘How was your summer?’ he’s asking me, his eyes trained on me. I can tell that he’s feeling as uncomfortable as I am just by the way his magic starts blurring the air around him. You almost wouldn’t notice if you didn’t know to look for it.

‘Good,’ I say, and I mean it. ‘Great.’ I miss Minty already. This is my last year, and when it’s over… I don’t know.

‘Penny wants us to meet later to discuss the Humdrum,’ he says, shuffling his feet. I know he’s thinking about last year, but I’m not going to bring it up. What would I say? I could ask him to calm the fuck down. I guess he’s right to be suspicious, since I _was_ hoping for a kiss, but that’s no reason to go off.

I fight back a sigh. ‘Sure, Simon,’ I say. I’m shuffling my feet too now, and I will myself to stop. ‘I don’t know that there’s anything to say.’

‘We have to talk about last year,’ he says.

‘Okay.’ I guess I’m finally going to find out what happened.

‘And –’ His voice is strained. ‘Look, I’m not mad, about you and Baz. But just. _Please_ be careful.’

This time I do sigh. ‘I’m fine.’

‘He could Turn you –’

‘I’m _fine_ ,’ I snap, and he shuts up. ‘It’s good to see you, Simon. We’ll talk later.’ I turn and walk away before he can respond.

Simon still thinks we’re endgame. I’m still confused.

How do you know what your soulmate’s secret is?

Everybody keeps talking about this _knowing_ , and I don’t understand what it means. How do they know? Where does the knowledge come from? Maybe it’s there, somewhere in the back of my mind, and I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to pick up on it.

Maybe my soulmate doesn’t have a huge secret. I’ve been dating Simon for three years now and there’s nothing I’ve found out that I didn’t know before. There’s nothing I know about him that Penny doesn’t, and probably half the school too. He’s an open book. So I suppose that whatever his biggest secret is, I probably already know it.

I haven’t told anyone about this. I can imagine what they’d say; that’s not actually how the soulmate secrets work, Agatha. You’re supposed to know it from the moment you’re born. You’re supposed to know what it is. Penny told us way back in first year that she would know as soon as she met her soulmate based on his biggest secret. I’ve bugged her about it so many times and she always refuses to tell me what it was. She met him in fourth year.

I try to act like I’m not jealous. I’m not supposed to be jealous; I’m dating the World’s Greatest Mage. Everyone thinks Simon and I are destined to be together.

I always feel like something’s missing.

I used to worry about it. I’d lie awake at night, concentrating as hard as I could, fishing around for some fact, some secret that I couldn’t remember ever being told. I’d panic about it so much that I started making shit up and almost convincing myself that it had been there all along. In the first two years, I almost broke up with Simon over it every weekend. Last year, I stopped bothering about it.

Maybe I don’t have my soulmate’s secret. Maybe I don’t have a soulmate. The whole thing is bullshit anyway, this destiny thing. Who said that I belong with just one person? And if I do, why shouldn’t I be the one to decide who that person is?

Maybe I don’t want to be the Chosen One’s girlfriend. Maybe I want someone dark. A villain. Maybe I want to run away from all this and live a quiet life with a Normal boy. Somewhere far away, like America. Maybe I don’t want anyone at all.

I don’t fucking know.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. Baz.

It’s a wonder that Snow and his little clique haven’t figured it out yet.

In the weeks since school started, I spot them huddled in corners of the library and out on the Lawn, Bunce scribbling things in a notebook, Snow looking befuddled and Wellbelove looking annoyed. The Humdrum sends worsegers to attack the school, which Snow unceremoniously slays, and the meetings start happening on a daily basis. Judging by the frustrated looks on their faces, they’re not getting anywhere.

I know Fiona asked me to eavesdrop, but I can’t see the point. They aren’t going to find anything I don’t already know.

The one thing I do find particularly interesting about all this is that if they haven’t figured it out yet, Wellbelove can’t know his secret. She catches me watching them sometimes and she’ll stare back with a curious gaze, as though she expects me to do something.

Fiona texts me after a few weeks asking for updates. The Humdrum attacks us again and another hole opens up only kilometres from Watford, sending everyone into a frenzy. Fiona tells me that the Old Families are giving the Mage a month to get things under control before we make our move.

I check to make sure Snow isn’t about to burst into the room and find my illegal phone, and call her immediately.

‘What do you want me to do?’ I ask instead of a greeting.

‘Hello to you too, Basilton,’ she says. ‘We need you to stay put. Keep an eye on the Snow boy.’

‘It’s what I do best,’ I say drily.

‘I mean it. We always said we’d leave him to you.’

I swallow. ‘Yeah, I’ve got it under control.’

‘Good. Your father sends his regards.’

‘Right. Say hello to him then. And Daphne.’

‘The Humdrum is getting stronger, Baz,’ she says, ‘and we’re going to figure out why.’

I nod, even though she can’t see me.

‘Take care of yourself,’ she says, and I’m almost touched but then ruins it by adding, ‘we’re all counting on you.’

Counting on me to do what? Kill the love of my life? Though I suppose that might sort out the Humdrum problem.

There has to be another way.

*

I’m halfway up the stairs on my way back from football practice when I hear voices coming from one of the rooms. I realise as I get closer to our door that it’s ours. One of the voices clearly belongs to Snow, though he’s mumbling as though he doesn’t want to be heard. The other one sounds feminine, and for a second I think it’s Wellbelove and I’m livid. (How dare he bring her up here, to _our_ room? To the one place where I can at least pretend I get him all to myself?)

I press my ear against the door and recognise that the voice belongs to Bunce.

‘The next hole could open up right over Watford,’ Bunce is saying. ‘Since you’re here, and the Humdrum is clearly targeting you.’

‘What am I supposed to do?’ Snow growls back. ‘Should I leave to keep everyone safe?’

‘No,’ she snaps. ‘You stay here, where it’s safe – or at least safer – and we can work together.’

‘I don’t want to go, Penny,’ he says, and I can imagine him running a hand through his curls, his mouth turned down at the corners.

‘I know,’ she says. ‘You’re staying here. Look, we just need to keep thinking about this. I’ve made notes of every hole that’s opened up. There has to be some pattern.’

‘How am I supposed to defeat the Humdrum if I don’t even know what it is?’ Simon says.

‘We’ll figure it out.’

I frown, debating whether I should interrupt them, keep eavesdropping, or walk away and pretend I don’t know Bunce was up in our room. Girls aren’t allowed into Mummers House at all and I have no idea how she got through the wards. I could get her in serious trouble for this. I could get rid of Snow’s best friend and strongest ally and make it that much easier for me to beat him.

Bunce is smart, and she cares about Snow more than anybody else. Certainly more than Wellbelove or the Mage, and he has no family to speak of. She’s talking again, outlining some of the information she’s collected about when and where the holes have opened up, and when the Humdrum’s sent monsters after Simon. Snow is getting frustrated, grumbling about how they’re going over the same information they’ve had since seventh year, and Bunce keeps stopping to tell him firmly that they’re going to figure it out. That they’re so close.

I make a decision, push open the door and step into the room. They both fall silent. Bunce is sitting cross-legged on Snow’s bed while he paces in front of her, but he freezes when I come in. His eyes dart from me to Bunce.

I smirk and lean against the doorframe, crossing my arms.

‘Has it ever occurred to you that maybe _you’re_ the Humdrum?’


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5. Simon.

I look at him blankly.

‘What?’

Baz raises an eyebrow and gives me a long look like I’m being the most insufferable idiot on the planet.

‘Has it ever occurred to you,’ he says slowly, ‘that maybe you’re the Humdrum?’

I huff. ‘I heard you the first time. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’

Penny hops up off the bed and stands next to me. ‘Go on, I’d love to hear this,’ she says. I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or if she has any more idea what’s going on than I do.

‘Look, I’ve been listening to your inane theories, and here’s mine. Snow is the Humdrum.’ Baz is leaning against the doorframe, his face impassive, as though this entire conversation is boring him. As though me being the Humdrum is old news.

‘That doesn’t even make sense,’ I say.

‘It makes perfect sense,’ Baz says. ‘In fact, I can’t believe you haven’t thought of it already. Especially you, Bunce. No wonder you’ve fallen behind me in class.’ He smirks.

Penny narrows her eyes. ‘I’m listening. Tell us your theory.’

‘I’m not the Humdrum,’ I blurt. ‘You’re wrong. I’m not making the dead spots.’

Baz steps away from the doorframe and lets the door close behind him.

‘Are you sure, Snow? Are you sure that the reason you have so much magic isn’t because you’re sucking it out of the atmosphere?’

I shake my head furiously. ‘I think I’d fucking know.’

‘When was the last time a hole opened up?’ Baz asks.

‘Three days ago,’ Penny says.

‘Right. And what happened just before that?’

‘The Humdrum sent a dragon to attack me,’ I say.

‘No. The Humdrum sent a dragon, and you went off on it, using unnatural and excessive amounts of magic, and then the hole opened up.’

I growl. ‘I’m not the Humdrum. I’m not sending fucking dragons to attack _myself_.’

I feel Penny’s hand on my arm. She’s looking at Baz, her eyes alight. ‘Wait, Simon. Let’s hear him out.’

I turn to her, gaping. ‘You can’t take his side! He’s accusing me of being the Insidious Humdrum, Penny! It’s Baz. He’s fucking with us.’

‘When did the first hole open up, Bunce?’ Baz says.

She grabs her notebook off my bed and flips through it frantically. ‘2008,’ she says. ‘When we were eleven.’ She gasps. ‘The first time Simon went off.’

Baz nods. ‘Exactly. Snow is the Humdrum. The magic from the dead spots goes to him. That’s why he has so much of it.’

I take a step towards him, my hands bunching into fists. ‘Baz, shut up. That makes no sense. That’s not even physically possible. I’m not the Humdrum.’

Penny grabs my arm again. ‘Simon…’ she says. ‘Why else would it look the way it does?’

I stare at her, biting my lip. I don’t want him to be right. I’m supposed to save the World of Mages, not destroy it. What about everything we’ve tried to do for the last eight years? Did we do all that for nothing? I don’t want it to be true.

‘That’s right,’ Baz says slowly. ‘The Humdrum looks like Snow, doesn’t it?’

I whirl around to face him. He’s enjoying this, I can tell by the smirk playing across his lips. The git can’t just come in here and ruin everything and then stand back and watch me fall apart like it’s all some game to him.

‘Yes,’ Penny says. ‘Eleven-year-old Simon, with the red ball and everything.’

‘The same age as when he first went off,’ Baz notes. ‘It’s almost like the Humdrum is Snow’s carbon footprint.’

Penny is nodding. ‘Nicks and Slick, I think you might be right.’ She flips through her notebook again. ‘Third year – that was the chimera. And this one must be the goblins, and the chupacabra, and that troll thing in sixth year. It all adds up. A hole opens up –’

‘Every time Snow loses his temper.’

‘I’m _right here_ , Baz,’ I snarl.

He raises one eyebrow and finally looks at me. ‘I’m aware,’ he says drily. ‘I’m not about to forget that I’m standing in the presence of the greatest threat the World of Mages has ever known.’

I lunge at him.

‘Simon!’ Penny yells, yanking my arm back.

Baz doesn’t even flinch. ‘Anathema,’ he says, his lip curling.

I hate him so much.

Still holding onto my arm, Penny moves back and sits on the edge of my bed, pulling me down with her. I let her lean into me and force myself to take deep breaths, still glaring at Baz.

‘Okay,’ Penny says. ‘So why has the Humdrum started gaining strength lately?’

Baz moves to sit on his bed, facing us. He’s still mostly talking to Penny, and it makes me mad. Like I’m not even here. Or worse, like I’m the monster, the problem that needs to be dealt with.

‘I expect that it’s been sending monsters after Snow not to kill him, but to get him to go off. The more he goes off, I imagine, the stronger it gets.’

‘How do you even know all this?’ I say.

He sighs and drags his gaze over to meet mine. ‘Someone around here has to be paying attention. I realised you weren’t going to figure it out any time soon and thought someone should step in.’

‘Right, so the Humdrum has been building strength throughout the years, ever since Simon got his magic, and only now it’s gotten strong enough to become corporeal?’ Penny asks.

‘Exactly,’ Baz says. ‘I’m glad someone’s keeping up.’

‘So what does that mean? What do we do?’

Baz shrugs and brushes a piece of imaginary lint off his pants while we both watch him. He knows we’re waiting on his next words. He has all the power right now and he loves it. I want to punch him. (Also – what the fuck am I supposed to do now?)

He looks back up at Penny. ‘I guess Snow here has to die. How tragic,’ he drawls.

Penny shakes her head and leaps to her feet.

‘No,’ she says, turning to me, her eyes shining. ‘You have to give it your magic.’


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6. Penny.

It all makes so much sense. Now that Baz has explained it all, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. (I can’t believe Baz thought of it, and I didn’t. I think I love Simon too much to have made the connection. I’m too invested.)

Simon has to give his magic back to the Humdrum. Everyone knows that the Humdrum is less of a _something_ and more of a _nothing_. It sucks the magic out of the atmosphere and leaves nothing – _an insidious humdrum, a mundanity that creeps into your very soul_ – in its place. It’s essentially a hole in the magickal atmosphere, one that Simon is somehow creating just by existing, just by using his magic. One that needs to be filled.

Simon gets to his feet and juts out his chin.

‘I have to go to the Mage,’ he says.

‘ _No._ ’

I look at Baz. We both said it at the same time, and for a split second, I see fear flit across his face. It’s the first time he’s dropped his look of total composure and indifference since the moment he walked into this room. (On a side note: I sure hope this means he’s planning to help us and that he isn’t going to report me to the Mage. He hasn’t said anything about me being here.)

‘The Mage knows better than _you_ ,’ Simon snaps, glaring at Baz. I don’t think he’s stopped glaring at Baz since he came in.

‘Snow,’ Baz says, holding his gaze. ‘You are not going to the Mage.’

‘Why the fuck should I listen to you?’

Baz purses his lips, then turns to me. ‘Bunce?’

I narrow my eyes slightly. I really don’t know what his motive is, and I find it hard to believe that he’s actually on our side, but he _is_ helping us. And Simon can’t go to the Mage. I don’t know why Baz hasn’t already told the world about this and gotten Simon killed that way. I guess all that matters right now is that he hasn’t.

‘The Mage might not… agree that the best solution is to give the Humdrum your magic,’ I say carefully. ‘It’s just that he has a very particular idea of what your role is supposed to be. And I don’t think this would fit in with it.’

Simon frowns. ‘But he doesn’t know that I’m causing the Humdrum. If he did, he’d know what to do.’

I shake my head. ‘I don’t know. I think –’ I glance at Baz, and decide to plough ahead anyway. I don’t have much choice anyway, if I want to convince Simon before he runs off to the Mage. ‘I think the Mage wants to use your power for the war, not just to fight the Humdrum, and I think he wouldn’t like the idea of you giving it away.’

Baz makes a noise in the back of his throat, and Simon whirls on him. ‘What?’

Baz shakes his head. ‘Nothing, Snow,’ he says quietly. There’s no antagonism in his voice.

Simon huffs. ‘You just want me to give my magic away so I can’t fight you in the war.’

Baz sighs. ‘Maybe if you gave the Humdrum the explosive overflow of your magic, you’d actually be able to control what was left and cast spells like a proper mage.’

Crowley, he can’t help himself, can he?

‘Simon, please don’t go to the Mage,’ I say. ‘I just think the less people know about this, the better, and the more chance we have of dealing with it before someone tries to stop us.’ And the less chance that someone will find out who decides that the only solution really is to kill Simon.

Simon steps back and slumps down on the bed. ‘Fine. We’ll try to fill up the Humdrum with my magic, or whatever, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll go to the Mage.’

Baz leans back and exhales silently, but I notice it.

I’d feel a lot better if he didn’t know about this, if it was just me and Simon, but it can’t be helped. Honestly, I’m a little miffed that he worked it out before I did. I wonder if it was all his idea, or if the Old Families have known for a long time. Either way, now that Baz knows, he’s surely told them about it. Defeating the Humdrum is in all of our best interest as mages, which might be why they haven’t acted against Simon yet. It’s possible that they put Baz up to this, to make sure Simon would deal with the Humdrum. If they have an ulterior motive of weakening the Mage’s greatest weapon, I don’t think it changes anything.

If Simon gives away all his excess power, he’ll have fulfilled his destiny as the Chosen One, and he’ll no longer be the World’s Greatest Mage. He’ll no longer be any more of a threat to the Old Families than a regular mage, or any more use to the Mage. And the Humdrum will be gone, and maybe the goblins and bonety hunters and everyone else will leave him alone, and Simon will finally be safe. We’ll still have to worry about the war, but it won’t be solely on his shoulders anymore.

I just hope nothing goes wrong while we’re waiting for the Humdrum to show up again. Baz might change his mind and decide he’s better off trying to kill Simon after all. I suspect that he’s only helping us while it’s in his best interest.

I sit down on the bed next to Simon. ‘Let’s talk strategy,’ I say. ‘Oh, and Baz?’

‘Yes, Bunce?’

‘You won’t tell anyone I was here, will you?’

The corner of his mouth lifts up in what might almost be a smile. ‘So long as you don’t piss me off,’ he says.

I roll my eyes. ‘Deal.’

He’s definitely smirking now. ‘You just hate that I figured this out before you did, don’t you?’

I sigh. ‘I do. I hate it.’

I have to admit that I respect Baz, even if I don’t trust him. He figured out Simon’s biggest secret, before Simon himself did, before his best friend did. I don’t know how he knew.

_Unless_ …

But no. That’s the craziest thought I’ve had all day. (And that’s saying a lot.)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Agatha.

Something’s going on with Simon.

I mean, something’s _always_ going on with Simon, but this time it’s different. He and Penny are always huddling together mumbling about the Humdrum and monsters and Pitches (though it’s usually Simon on the last one), with Penny scribbling in that old notebook of hers, but this time they’re whispering like they have a secret. Every time I try to talk to Simon – because he’s my boyfriend and we should be talking to each other – I catch them disappearing into Mummers House together.

Penny shouldn’t even be able to get in there. I want to know what’s going on.

It’s not that I think they’re cheating on me. Penny has Micah, and Simon just isn’t the type. He would never do that to me. The funny thing is that I don’t even care very much. (Because it would give me an excuse to break up with him, one that makes sense.) (Why am I looking for an excuse to break up with him?) It’s just the principle of the thing.

Something’s going on, and once again nobody’s bothered to tell me what it is.

In the end, I have to find out from Baz, of all people.

I see him at a table in the corner of the library and decide to approach him. I’m not really sure why – I know Simon would be upset if he knew – but I’m tired of worrying about what’s going to upset other people.

‘Hey,’ I say, pulling out a chair across from him. I lean forward, letting my hair fall by my face and wait for him to look up.

‘Agatha,’ he says, not smiling. ‘To what do I owe the honour?’

I clasp my hands together under the table to avoid fidgeting with my hair. I’m nervous, but I don’t want him to see it.

‘Nothing, I just saw you over here and thought you might like some company.’

A look crosses his features, and for a second I think he’s going to snap, _well, you thought wrong_. Instead, he raises an eyebrow and gives me a long, cool look.

‘I’ve noticed that you don’t hang around Snow very much anymore.’

I bite my lip. That’s not _my_ fault, I think, but don’t say. Let Baz think it was my idea. (And alright, a big part of me is hoping he’s noticed because he’s interested. Is it so wrong to want to be liked?)

‘And?’ I say finally, looking down at the table, and quickly flicking my gaze up to meet his.

‘So now that he’s a villain, you won’t associate with him?’ Baz says, with a hint of a sneer.

I frown. ‘I won’t – what?’

Baz leans back in his chair and watches me silently. Then his eyes flash with a realisation. ‘He didn’t tell you.’

‘Didn’t tell me what?’ I snap. A villain? What the fuck is going on?

He shakes his head slowly and crosses his arms. ‘Well, well. Your _boyfriend_ didn’t even bother to tell you his greatest secret. I don’t know what to make of that.’

I stand up quickly, and my chair screeches along the floor.

‘What are you talking about, Baz?’

‘Perhaps you should ask him,’ he says. ‘Though I must say I’m surprised. He shouldn’t have needed to tell you, being your soulmate, and all.’ He’s smirking like he knows everything.

I ignore the thrill that runs through me, taking a last look at Baz’s smug face before I turn and stalk out of the library. Simon and I have got some talking to do.

*

‘What is going on?’

Simon and Penny are already at the dinner table. They both jump when they hear my voice. I’m probably being a little louder than I need to be, but I don’t care.

I plant my hands on my hips. ‘Were you planning on filling me in?’ I glare at Simon. ‘Me, _your girlfriend_? Even Baz gets to know before I do?’

‘Agatha, sit down,’ Penny says.

‘What the fuck does he mean, now that Simon’s a villain? Is anybody going to tell me what happened?’

Penny stands up and grabs my arm. ‘Shh,’ she hisses. ‘Let’s go somewhere else.’

Simon stands up and trails after us as Penny leads me to an empty classroom. She sits down on one of the desks and I reluctantly sit opposite her. Simon stays standing, looking at the floor and scuffing his feet.

Apparently, Simon is causing the Insidious Humdrum, and Baz was the one to figure it out. Penny explains about the holes opening up every time he goes off and the Humdrum gaining strength that way. I stare at them in horror once she’s done. There’s a long silence.

‘I can’t believe you didn’t _tell_ me!’ I burst out finally.

‘I’m really sorry, Agatha,’ Simon says, his face pleading.

‘We just thought the less people know, the better,’ Penny adds, which is honestly not helpful considering that she knows, and _Baz_ knows, and I’m Simon’s girlfriend. And they’re basically the only two people I talk to at this school.

‘Have you gone to the Mage?’

‘No, we’re not going to the Mage,’ Penny says quickly.

‘Why the fuck not?’

‘Because we think he might have other ideas on the best way to deal with this.’

I cross my arms. ‘He’s the authority. It’s his job to deal with this.’

Penny shakes her head. ‘Don’t go to the Mage, Agatha. We’ve been handling things ourselves since we were eleven. Simon should at least have a chance to fix it himself before we go to anyone else.’

I huff. ‘Fine. I guess no-one cares what I think, anyway.’

Simon winces. ‘I’m sorry.’

Penny looks between us and stands up. ‘I think I should leave you two to talk,’ she says.

‘That’s probably a good idea.’ I don’t mean for it to come out sounding so cold, but it does. I’m mad - I’m allowed to be mad.

As soon as Penny’s gone, Simon turns to me. ‘Truly, Agatha, we didn’t mean to leave you out, but you always hate when we talk about this, and we just got so busy trying to –’

‘Simon,’ I interrupt. ‘Look, I won’t pretend I’m not pissed, but I think that…’ I take a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. I remember Baz’s comment from earlier. It’s not like I haven’t been thinking it for years. It’s not like I haven’t spent every day since we started dating talking myself in and out of breaking up with him. I might as well admit it to myself; I’m not happy, and I can’t convince myself that I will be if I just keep doing what I’ve been doing.

‘What?’ Simon asks, when I’ve been silent too long.

‘I think we should break up.’

‘ _What_? Agatha, no, I promise it won’t happen again, it doesn’t mean that you can’t trust me–’

‘It’s really not about this,’ I say. ‘Doesn’t it bother you that we don’t know each other’s secrets? I should have known about this.’

‘No,’ he stammers. ‘We’re supposed to be endgame. Things will be better once we deal with the Humdrum and everything goes back to normal.’

That’s if Simon survives it. Maybe that’s why he’s not my soulmate. Maybe he won’t survive it. And I don’t want to be the one who has to be the most broken when he’s gone.

‘You’re not my soulmate, Simon,’ I say.

‘You’re _my_ soulmate,’ he says stubbornly.

‘You don’t know that.’

‘I do. Or I don’t. Does it matter? We’re perfect together.’

I shake my head. ‘We’re not. I’m not happy. Can’t you see that? I don’t think you’re happy either. That doesn’t sound like perfection to me.’

He hesitates. ‘You don’t have to do this.’

‘I’m sorry, but I think I do,’ I say, and leave the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8. Baz.

Wellbelove corners me in the corridor only days after our conversation in the library.

‘Baz,’ she says, grabbing my arm. I fight the urge to shake her off and turn to give her a cool look.

‘Agatha.’

She purses her lips, hesitating, before she speaks. ‘I broke up with Simon.’

I raise an eyebrow. ‘Not because of me, I hope?’ No wonder he’s been moping around the last few days.

Wellbelove blushes slightly, and I feel a twinge of regret. If she’s broken up with him, there’s no need to do this anymore. At least not when he isn’t watching.

‘You were right,’ she says. ‘He’s not my soulmate.’

‘And are you his?’ I ask.

‘I don’t think so. Baz, do you know what your soulmate’s secret is?’

I shift the books in my arms so I’m hugging them to my chest, debating what to say next. Wellbelove’s eyes are wide and focused on my face. Whatever she’s hoping to find, she’ll only ever be disappointed.

‘Agatha,’ I say abruptly. ‘You’re not my soulmate.’

She turns red and drops her gaze to the floor. ‘Right, I guess I was being really obvious. Don’t be weird about it, I didn’t really think you were. You’re not my soulmate either.’

I nod. So apparently the golden couple weren’t meant to be, after all. Judging by the way Snow’s been acting lately, I doubt he’d agree with me. Not that it makes any difference to me.

‘It’s just –’ Wellbelove says, frowning. I’m not sure why we’re still here, since we’ve already established that we aren’t soulmates, and I want to get to the library to study. (And because I’ve agreed to meet with Snow and Bunce to discuss the Humdrum, and sue me if I look forward to being allies with him for once. Even if he spends most of our meetings looking at me like I’m about to conjure up a bird and send the news to every member of the Old Families.)

‘It’s just that I don’t know what my soulmate’s secret is,’ she admits, keeping her voice low. ‘Is that normal?’

This is suddenly getting more interesting. ‘You don’t know?’ I ask. ‘Or you don’t have one?’

‘Maybe,’ she says. ‘How do you know?’

I frown. ‘I don’t know, I just know. I’ve always known.’ I can’t imagine why I’m standing in the corridor right now telling Wellbelove about my soulmate. I shouldn’t even be admitting that I have one if I don’t want it getting back to Snow. I don’t need anybody getting curious.

‘Can we talk?’ Wellbelove says suddenly. ‘Can you explain it to me?’ Without waiting for an answer, she turns and walks into the next empty classroom down the hall. I follow her and close the door.

‘It’s just there,’ I say, putting my books down on a desk at the front of the class. ‘In your head, and you know it didn’t come from your own thoughts. I’m not sure how to explain it, but you can’t mistake it for anything else.’

‘Right,’ she says. ‘Then I guess I don’t have one.’

Why is she talking about this with me? Didn’t she and Snow ever talk about it? They dated for three years and he never realised that she doesn’t know his secret?

‘Anyway,’ she says. ‘I don’t even like soulmates. The whole destiny thing sounds like bullshit to me, and even if it’s real, it’s kind of crap, right?’

I huff out a laugh. (Tell me about it, Wellbelove.)

‘I mean, where’s the romance in it? I’d like to choose for myself who I want to be with. People can’t have any kind of relationship if it’s not with their soulmate without everyone thinking it’s weird and wrong and less important. I think it’s crap.’

‘That’s interesting,’ I say, keeping my voice calm (she’s not sounding very calm right now). ‘I think you’ve got a point. I think you have the right to make your own choices.’

‘Exactly,’ she says. ‘I hate that everyone expects my soulmate to be Simon. I hate that they’ve convinced me that I should want that too. And I hate that I have to feel like shit because I don’t know my soulmate’s secret.’

‘Maybe you don’t have a soulmate,’ I say. ‘I don’t see why there’s anything wrong with that.’

She laughs. It’s a quiet, relieved laugh, and I can’t remember ever hearing it before. (Not that I pay much attention to Wellbelove’s laughs, in all honesty.) ‘I know it’s weird that we’re talking about this, but do you have any idea how nice it is to hear someone say that?’

I frown. ‘What do people usually say about it?’

‘They don’t. I’ve never told anyone.’

‘Crowley,’ I say. ‘I’m honoured to be the first.’ I smirk and nod my head in a mock-bow.

She rolls her eyes. ‘You should be. I don’t even know why I told you. It just feels like something I’m not allowed to say, you know? Like people will think I’m broken if they know.’

I nod. ‘I understand what you mean. You shouldn’t have to feel like that.’

‘Thanks, Baz.’ She hesitates. ‘You know, I don’t really have any friends here except for Simon and Penny, and even that’s weird right now with the breakup and everything, so, I don’t know. This is nice.’

I raise an eyebrow. ‘Anytime.’

‘Really. I just want you to know I appreciate it.’

Before I can react, she steps forward and swoops in for a hug, her blonde head tucked underneath my chin. I’m too stunned to do anything except bring an arm around her and awkwardly pat her on the back.

There’s a shout from the corridor, and the door crashes open.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9. Simon.

Agatha and Baz are missing.

I know she likes him. I know she looks at him, and probably thinks he’s more interesting than I am, and better looking, and better at magic, and better at fucking everything. And now that she’s broken up with me, there’s nothing stopping her from going after him.

Fine, they can both get what they want. I wouldn’t stand in their way, if it wasn’t for what I know about Baz being a vampire, and my soulmate being a vampire.

If they’re both missing at the same time, she’s probably gone looking for him. And if they’re alone together, who knows what Baz could do when there are no witnesses?

I have to find them. Classes have just finished for the day and most of the classrooms are empty. I run through the hallways, peering through doors, breathlessly asking everyone I pass if they’ve seen either of them. I just have to find one of them, and I’ll know she’s alright.

I just hope I’m not too late. They both disappeared at the end of Politickal Science, and it was only when I got back to our room to drop my books off that I realised Baz hadn’t done the same. I bumped into Penny on her way out of the Cloisters – probably coming to find me, judging by the notebook clutched in her hand – and she said Agatha wasn’t there.

Fuck. I should have been paying more attention. It’s our last year here. How many more opportunities is Baz going to get?

I run past the empty Elocution classroom and stumble to a stop when I see a figure inside. I’m about to rush on when I realise it’s two people – it’s Baz and Agatha and he’s got one arm curled around her back, his head bent –

I yell out and slam through the door. (Don’t let it be too late, please, I need to save her.)

‘Agatha!’ I’m howling her name as I bolt into the classroom. I grab for Baz’s arm and pull him away. ‘Get away from her!’ He stumbles back, and I shove him in the chest. ‘Don’t go near her!’ I keep my hands on his chest, and I push him back, and he lets me.

I turn to Agatha, though every part of me is aware of him behind me, waiting for him to make a move.

‘Are you okay? Did he bite you? Did he hurt you?’

‘No,’ Agatha says, her lip curling.

She’s safe. She’s okay.

I round on Baz. ‘What the fuck, Baz? What were you doing? What are you plotting? If I hadn’t gotten here –’

‘It’s not my fault your girlfriend likes me better than you,’ he spits.

‘I know you’re a vampire!’ I yell. ‘I know you’re going to bite someone!’

I hear Agatha sigh. ‘Simon, _stop._ ’

‘I don’t trust you,’ I growl, my hand hovering over my hip, ready to call my sword. I will if I have to. I probably don’t need it; I’m sparking like an electric wire.

‘I’m out of here,’ Agatha says, and I’m vaguely aware that she’s stormed out of the room. I can’t take my eyes off Baz, and I let her go. (She’s okay. It’s all that matters.)

‘I know what you are,’ I say, glaring at him, daring him not to meet my gaze. Daring him not to see it on my face. _I know what you are._

‘You don’t know _anything_ ,’ he says, deathly quiet.

‘I know exactly what you’re planning,’ I say. I step forward, and the magic starts to blur the edges of my vision, so all I see is him.

‘You don’t know fuck-all about me.’ His face is frozen, cruel and beautiful as ever. I know what he is. I won’t let him do this.

‘Yeah, I do!’ I shout. ‘I know, because my soulmate is a vampire! I know you’re going to Turn her.’

My hands are curled into fists, and I’m breathing hard, but as soon as I stop shouting, everything goes still and silent. Baz doesn’t move. He doesn’t even seem to be breathing.

Then he’s towering over me, his eyes flashing.

‘I would never bite someone,’ he says, and each word forces its way out of his mouth like flint against rock. ‘ _Never._ ’

I stand my ground. ‘Well, that’s not what the evidence says.’

He snarls. ‘The fucking _evidence_ says –’

‘What were you doing here with Agatha?’

‘You still think she’s your soulmate?’ he says. ‘Shouldn’t she have known about the Humdrum?’

‘Fuck off,’ I say, because he has a point. ‘Answer my question.’

‘What Wellbelove and I were discussing is none of your concern,’ he snaps.

‘It is, because I care about her –’

‘It’s not, because she fucking dumped you, remember? She’s not your property.’

‘Shut up!’ My hands clench into fists, and it feels like I’m holding fire in my palms. I could burn him. ‘So what, do you think _you’re_ her soulmate?’

He laughs. ‘Snow, you’re so deluded, it astounds me.’

I growl. ‘Stop fucking distracting me. It’s not like there are fifty vampires running around this school. You’re the only one.’

He looks at me like I’m being especially idiotic. ‘Yes, Snow,’ he says slowly.

‘And fine, you’re right about my secret. So maybe Agatha isn’t my soulmate. But whoever it is, I know it’s going to be you who Tur–’

‘Aleister Crowley, Simon!’ he bursts out, grabbing me by the collar of my uniform, and I have a split second to be alarmed before his mouth is on mine and I’m not thinking anything at all.

He pulls me forward so we’re practically chest to chest, and his lips are moving roughly and quickly over mine. His mouth is hot, and he’s kissing me like it’s air, like he’s been underwater and he can’t take it any longer. I can feel my heart pounding like crazy underneath his fist – and he can probably feel it too – and I can’t feel my magic. It’s still there, I think, burning in my fingertips and under my skin, but it seems like nothing now, it’s muted compared to this – this other feeling. _Baz_.

He pulls away, gasping, and lets go of my shirt. I didn’t even know he could go red, but his cheeks are so flushed, and his eyes are blown wide open. His hand moves up the back of my neck and he threads his fingers through my hair, and tugs.

I haven’t quite caught my breath, but I crash forward anyway. It’s messy, lips and teeth and hands that I thought were meant for fighting. I push him, so he pushes back. He digs his fingers through my curls, so I run my hands up his back, and when he makes a low noise in the back of his throat, I stop keeping track of who’s meant to be making the next move.

At some point, he ends up leaning back on one of the desks, and I vaguely register the sound of a chair falling over and crashing to the ground. I run a hand through his hair, and it’s just like I imagined. (Imagined? Of course I did.) I’ve never kissed anyone like this before. No-one’s ever kissed me like this before. I’ve never felt like I couldn’t stop, like I couldn’t let them go.

We finally stop to catch our breaths, and the world starts to come back into focus. His lips brush the mole on my left cheek, and I disentangle myself from him and stumble back.

‘No,’ I say, still gasping for breath. ‘This isn’t – this can’t be.’ He hates me. He wants me dead. He’s a boy.

His hands fall to his sides, gripping the edge of the desk. His hair is messy and his uniform is rumpled. ( _I_ did that. The thought makes me blush.) But he’s still my enemy.

‘How can you be my soulmate?’ I say.

When Baz finally speaks, his voice is steady and sharp. ‘Wellbelove doesn’t believe in soulmates,’ he says. ‘She believes we should make our own choices.’

I can almost breathe normally again. I look at him. His face is expressionless.

‘She says destiny is bullshit,’ he continues. ‘Smart girl, isn’t she?’ And there it is – his trademark sneer, a slight curl at the corner of his mouth.

I shake my head. ‘No – no,’ I say, ‘you’re not getting out of this.’

And I kiss that sneer right off his lips.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10. Baz.

We end up sitting on the floor with our backs to the classroom wall, hands tangled in hair, trading lazy kisses. It’s probably already dark outside. We’ve definitely missed dinner, but I’m not about to bring it up if Simon doesn’t.

He leans his head back against the wall and sighs contentedly, his eyes closing.

‘What are _you_ so happy about?’ I sneer. It’s the first thing either of us has said above a whisper since _you’re not getting out of this_. Other than that, it’s just been, ‘Snow,’ and the more he kissed me, ‘ _Simon_.’

And, ‘Baz,’ and, ‘my soulmate,’ and, ‘I can’t believe it’s you.’ And, ‘I’ve never – it’s just – I’m so glad it’s you,’ and then I kissed him to shut him up before it got to be too much.

Now, he opens his eyes and turns his head to me. ‘I don’t know.’ His smile is indulgent. ‘Maybe I’m just happy I don’t have to worry about you Turning anyone.’

I stare him down, and after a moment, his smile falters.

I shake my head. ‘Crowley, you’re an idiot,’ I say, and I kiss his cheek, and then his jaw, and then his lips, just because I can.

‘Well you’re stuck with me now, aren’t you?’ he says.

*

Eventually Snow’s stomach starts to grumble and he goes off in search of food. I tell him to go ahead and that I’ll meet him in our room after I feed. (‘Can I come with you?’ ‘Crowley, Snow, no.’) Once he’s gone, I stay on the floor, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.

_That really happened_. I’m Simon’s soulmate. He said he was glad.

I can feel the ghost of his hands, of his lips on mine. I’ve never felt less like a walking corpse. I’m warm all over.

I sit there, replaying it over and over in my mind, for long enough that Snow’s probably already finished dinner. I finally open my eyes. He’s probably wondering where I am. Waiting for me.

I scramble to my feet.

*

He’s sitting on his bed when I walk in, leaning back on his pillow. He’s not doing anything, just sitting there.

‘Hey,’ he says with a wide smile. ‘Did you feed?’

‘Yes,’ I say. I walk over to sit on the edge of my bed, facing him. ‘Did you make it in time for dinner?’

‘Yeah.’

I look at him, and he looks at me, and his smile doesn’t falter. He’s beautiful like this; plain blue eyes sparkling, his cheeks slightly flushed. Blissful. Unguarded.

‘What?’ I say finally. I’m blushing easily now, having just fed.

‘Are you going to kiss me again?’

I roll my eyes. ‘Sure, if you like.’

‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Go on, then.’

I sit next to him. (I’ve never sat on his bed before.) I lean in, and he holds my gaze for as long as he can. Our noses brush, and he closes his eyes.

It feels different. Something’s missing, this burning sensation in the back of my throat –

I pull away.

‘Snow. You’re not wearing your cross.’

‘Why would I?’ he says.

I kiss him again.

*

‘I like this,’ he says. ‘I like you.’

I huff. I’ve got my head on his shoulder, and his fingers are slowly tracing the planes of my face.

‘You don’t like me,’ I say. ‘You just don’t think you have a choice.’

‘Not true,’ he says.

I hum quietly in response. (We’ll see.)

‘How long have you known?’ he asks.

‘Since fifth year.’

He shifts and tilts my chin up with his thumb, making me look him in the eye.

‘Really? Why didn’t you say anything?’

‘I didn’t think it was mutual.’

He frowns. ‘That doesn’t happen very often, though, right?’

‘Crowley, Snow, I don’t know. It makes sense that I’d be one of the few.’

‘Well, you’re not.’ His arm around me tightens.

We’re both quiet. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Is he thinking about all the times he was with Agatha? Is he thinking about what this means, with the Mage and the Old Families?

‘I’ve known since fifth year too,’ he says. ‘I mean, that you’re a vampire.’

‘And you thought I was going to Turn your precious girlfriend,’ I say drily.

He winces. ‘Well, yeah.’ Then, his voice suddenly soft, ‘I’m really sorry.’

I lift my head so we’re at eye level.

‘Honestly, Snow, I never thought this would happen at all.’

I brush my lips against his.

‘So…’

I run a hand through his curls.

‘Don’t apologise,’ I whisper.

And I take him by the back of his neck.

‘Make it up to me.’


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11. Simon.

I hear the shower running when I wake up. I frown, opening my eyes and turning to check the clock. Baz is rarely up before I am, but it sounds like he’s getting an early start this morning. Probably plotting something –

I bolt upright just as the sound of the shower cuts off. Everything from yesterday flashes through my head.

Right. Soulmates. Not plotting. He fell asleep in my bed, in my arms, after we’d kissed for hours. I bring a hand up to my lips, and they feel chapped and raw.

I close my eyes and fall back against the pillow, smiling. Everything is different now.

The door opens and Baz walks out, already dressed in his uniform. His eyes go straight to mine.

‘You’re up early,’ I say.

I think he’s blushing. ‘I couldn’t sleep after waking up with – on the wrong side of the room,’ he says, walking over to sit on his bed, facing me.

‘Do I get a good morning kiss?’

Yep. Definitely blushing. I can’t believe I spent seven years wishing I knew how to get under his skin, and it’s this easy to embarrass him.

‘Only if you get out of bed, Snow. We have class.’

‘Simon.’

‘What?’

‘You have to call me Simon. We’re soulmates, remember?’

‘Really,’ he says. ‘No, actually, it slipped my mind.’

‘Fuck you,’ I say, throwing off my blanket and crossing over to his bed. I lean in and kiss him.

It’s so good. When he grabs my hand and pulls me down onto the bed, it feels so right.

I can’t believe it took me so long to figure it out.

*

In the middle of Elocution, a bird swoops through the classroom window and lands on my desk. I’m being summoned to see the Mage.

Dutifully I head to his office as soon as class gets out. I knock three times on the door.

‘Sir?’

‘Come in, Simon.’

I do. The Mage is behind his desk, shuffling through some papers. He glances up when I come in.

‘Take a seat.’

This probably isn’t just a pleasant catch-up to see how my year is going. I try to look calm as I walk to the Mage’s desk. I haven’t really had a chance to think everything through – what will he say about Baz? He hates the Pitches. Baz and I haven’t even discussed whether it’s a secret or not – but we’re soulmates, we have to be together, so it shouldn’t be, right? I already told Penny at breakfast this morning. I had to, because we both came in late with flushed faces, and she’s pretty observant, but I would have told her anyway.

‘The Old Families have started pulling their sons out of school,’ the Mage says. ‘We have reason to believe they’re preparing to take some form of action against us.’

I nod, dread curling in the pit of my stomach. Baz and I haven’t talked about this, either – the killing each other business.

‘As the Greatest Mage, I think you might be at risk,’ the Mage continues. ‘Especially with the Humdrum acting up so much as of late, and showing up at the school. I don’t want to risk another incident like what happened at the end of last year.’

I nod again.

‘I think it might be a good idea for you to leave Watford.’

‘What?’ I say. ‘Leave Watford? Why?’

‘Because this is the first place the Old Families and the Humdrum will attack, and you’re not safe here.’

‘But I – but what about everyone else? I’m supposed to protect them.’

‘You’re the first priority, Simon. You’re part of the prophecy. We can’t have the Old Families getting to you before we’re ready to fight the Humdrum.’

‘But, Sir –’ But I _am_ the Humdrum. If anything, I’m the liability. But I promised Penny and Baz that I wouldn’t tell him. (And I’m scared, because if I do tell him, he’ll probably _make_ me leave.)

‘I’m trying to protect the World of Mages,’ he says, impatience creeping into his voice.

‘But I can’t leave! Sir, I’ve just found my soulmate. I can’t leave now.’ I don’t even remember getting out of my chair, but now I’m standing and wringing my hands and I can feel my magic starting to leak.

The Mage opens his mouth and pauses, surprise taking over his features. Then he shakes his head. ‘It doesn’t matter. I need you safe.’

‘No,’ I say. I take a deep breath. ‘Look, with all due respect, I can’t just go hide and leave everyone else here. If I’m supposed to be the Chosen One, I have to stay and help. I can’t just sit and – and wait.’

He frowns. ‘At least consider –’

‘No, I can’t,’ I say.

He could probably make me go if he wanted. (Could he? I’m more powerful than he is. I’m the Insidious Humdrum.)

‘Alright, then,’ he says finally. ‘If you think that’s best, you can stay. You need to be careful, though, Simon. Watch your back. Don’t trust that Pitch roommate of yours.’

I gulp. ‘I’ll… I’ll be careful.’

‘Good. Well, you probably have class now, don’t you? I’ll call on you soon to talk strategy.’

‘Okay.’

He nods, dismissing me, and I walk out and start making my way back to Mummers House. I don’t know if Baz will be there now -  neither of us usually likes to spend much time in our room during the day just in case the other is there, but that was before.

He’s sitting at his desk with his back to me.

‘How was your meeting with the Mage?’ he asks, not bothering to turn around.

‘He wants me to leave,’ I say.

‘Leave Watford?’

‘Yeah. I told him no.’

‘Did you?’ He sounds surprised, and he finally turns around to look at me.

‘Of course,’ I say, frowning at him. ‘I’m not about to leave – when we’ve just – not after last night.’

‘Right,’ Baz says. ‘But I didn’t know you could tell him no. I thought he expected you to do everything he asks. Whether it’s moral or logical or not.’

I cross my arms. _Alright_. So we had one day where we could be together and forget about the war and our loyalties and our destinies. And it was incredible. But now this is how it has to be.

‘Well, I’m not,’ I say. ‘He just wants me to be safe, away from all the fighting. He thinks the Old Families are planning an attack.’ Baz winces. I wonder if he knows something. (He must know something). ‘But I said I wasn’t just going to leave everyone here and do nothing about it.’

Baz nods. ‘Of course. Simon Snow, ever the hero.’ He turns back to his desk.

I growl. ‘You’re impossible.’ I come up behind him, holding onto the back of his chair. He goes still, though I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t looking for it. ‘Baz,’ I say. ‘Turn around.’

He does. His eyes are wide, and if I didn’t know better I’d think he was scared. (Maybe he is. I’m scared. My soulmate is on the opposite side of a war.)

‘I stayed because of you, too, okay?’ I say. ‘You think I spent all those years following you around just to leave now that I’ve got you?’

He scoffs. ‘You just thought I was plotting. It was hardly romantic.’

I brush a hand across his cheek and his eyelids flutter like he’s fighting not to close them. I lean forward.

‘Well, you said I should make it up to you,’ I say softly.

‘Right,’ he says. I brush my lips across his jaw and watch his eyes close. ‘Snow – I –’

He kisses me, whatever it was he meant to say apparently forgotten.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12. Penny.

The Old Families are threatening the Mage, and the entire school is talking about it.

They made it public, announcing it to the Coven, probably getting their kids to tell all their friends at Watford. The Humdrum is a threat to all of magic, and they say they’ve had enough. If the Mage doesn’t get it under control, they say they have the numbers and strategies all worked out to stage a takeover. It’ll be war, and it’ll be bloody, and neither side will escape unscathed.

I don’t know if the Mage is taking them seriously, but _I_ am. We know exactly how to defeat the Humdrum. Now all we need is for those fools (the adults, the ones meant to be dealing with all of this) to stay out of our way. We just need time.

The Old Families are threatening the Mage, and the entire school is talking about it, except for Simon and Baz. The respective heirs of the two sides, who also happen to be soulmates.

I like watching them together. When we’re having our strategy meetings, they sit on the same bed, their sides pressed together from shoulder to toe. They hold hands almost all the time, when we’re in their room. Mostly I like the way Baz looks at Simon, when he doesn’t think either of us is paying attention. If I had any doubts about whether he’d sell Simon out before, I knew as soon as I saw that look that Simon is in safe hands.

Really, the universe couldn’t have made a better choice. Baz is smart, and an excellent magician, and exactly the kind of person I want on my side – or on the side of someone I love – when everything comes down to the wire.

I could do without the constant flirting, though.

‘Baz,’ Simon is saying. ‘Why are your hands always cold?’

Baz sighs and tries to snatch his hand away, but Simon holds on tight. ‘Because I’m dead.’

‘That’s tosh.’

‘It’s not tosh. Vampires are dead. It’s fact.’

Simon lifts up his other hand and tilts Baz’s chin so they’re facing each other. I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to my notebook.

‘I think you’re alive. I don’t think you’d be able to feel – this – if you weren’t alive.’

They both go strangely quiet.

I cough loudly. ‘Do you two want me to leave?’

‘Yes,’ Baz says, at the same time Simon says, ‘no.’

‘Baz,’ Simon says. ‘Don’t be rude.’

‘You’re the one trying to snog me in front of her.’

Simon huffs. ‘Yeah, well…’

‘Baz has a point,’ I say. ‘I’ll go, since we’re obviously not getting anywhere. Just tell me if you’ve heard anything new since yesterday.’

‘No,’ Simon says.

‘You haven’t spoken to the Mage?’

I notice Baz stiffen just slightly.

‘No,’ Simon says again.

‘Okay. Baz? Anything from the Old Families? Can you confirm that they’re not bluffing?’

‘We don’t bluff,’ Baz says. Simon frowns.

‘How much time do we have?’ I ask.

‘I’d say a week. At most.’

I nod. ‘So we need to meet the Humdrum again as soon as possible.’

‘It’s been a while since the last attack,’ Simon says, ‘so it probably won’t be long before it strikes again.’

I purse my lips. _Probably_ might not be good enough. We know it gains strength and shows up more after Simon goes off, but he can’t do it at will. It’s usually a Humdrum attack that provokes it.

‘Simon,’ I say. ‘If the Old Families do attack before we can get your magic to the Humdrum… the Mage might be right. It might be best if you go.’

Baz flinches, again, when I mention the Mage. I notice that they’re not holding hands anymore.

‘But Penny – I can’t –’

‘We’re the ones who know how to defeat the Humdrum,’ I say. ‘And you’re the only one who can do it. We can’t risk you getting hurt.’ I don’t bother to mention that I just want him safe and out of harm’s way, because I know that won’t move him. But he’s the Mage’s Heir, the Chosen One – the first one the Old Families will go after. They might kill him, or try to control his power. For all of Baz’s mistrust of the Mage, his family wouldn’t treat his soulmate any better.

Simon is frowning, and I know he’s working through what I’ve said, figuring out his response. Probably trying to convince me that he needs to stay.

Baz takes his hand again and laces their fingers together. ‘It’s only a last resort,’ he says. ‘We might still get to the Humdrum first.’

He looks at me and I nod in silent approval.

He lifts up their joined hands and presses a kiss to the back of Simon’s hand. ‘For me, okay?’ he says. ‘They’ll try to make me fight you.’

‘Fine,’ Simon says finally. ‘I’ll go. But only if we haven’t defeated the Humdrum yet.’

‘Good,’ I say. ‘Because we’re running out of time.’

I need to figure out a way to get Simon to go off.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13. Simon.

Sharing all my classes with Baz isn’t much different now that we’re soulmates. I still spend most of the lesson staring at the back of his head, and he still refuses to look at me for as long as he possibly can, except now when he finally cracks and turns his head, his cheeks are always flushed and the look in his eyes is properly moony. He used to just sneer at me.

I like how easily I can get to him, now that he lets me.

A few days after our conversation with Penny, I’m still thinking about what he said. About how his family will make him fight me, and the Mage will expect me to fight back.

I’ve decided that I won’t do it. I guess I knew it the moment I found out that he’s my soulmate, but now I really mean it. I won’t fight Baz. I want to make sure he knows that.

He’s late getting back to our room after football practice. He’s still in his soccer uniform, his hair falling in loose strands around his face, messier than he’d usually let it get.

‘You look good,’ I blurt out. I walk over and try to kiss him.

‘Snow, I have to shower,’ he says, turning his face away.

I pout. ‘Fine.’

I lie back on my bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the water run. When I hear the shower turn off, I change my mind and cross over to lie on Baz’s bed.

He walks out and glances at me then looks away.

‘Hey,’ I say.

He sits on the edge of the bed, by my feet. ‘Hi.’

I nudge him with my foot. ‘Come here.’

He sighs and turns to face me. ‘What happens when we have to fight each other?’ he asks.

I sit up. ‘I won’t fight you,’ I say. ‘I’ve decided that I –’

‘The Mage, Snow,’ he interrupts. ‘What will you do when the Mage asks you to fight my family?’

‘I – I won’t. I won’t hurt you.’

‘What if my family tries to hurt you?’

‘I don’t know, Baz, I’m not a threat to them. Can’t you make them understand?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, Snow, I can’t. Can you make your Mage stop sending raids after us? Can you make your Mage stop trying to take what’s left of our power? No. You can’t.’

I draw my knees up to my chest. ‘Okay. I’m sorry. We’re not them, Baz. Once the Humdrum is gone, it’ll be different, it’ll be –’

He shakes his head again. ‘That won’t stop the war.’

I frown and jut out my chin. ‘Fine,’ I say. ‘But just so you know. I’m not going to fight you.’

He holds my gaze for a long moment, and I don’t know what he’s searching for, but I don’t think he’s found it. He stands up.

‘Snow,’ he says, ‘the Mage isn’t going to stop until he’s squashed every bit of influence my family has. He’ll never be as good a headmistress as my mother was and he’ll never –’

‘What does that have to do with anything?’

‘The Mage wants power, Snow. And he’s using you as his weapon to get it.’

I scramble to my feet, crossing my arms. ‘The Mage wants equality. With all due respect to your mother, half the people in this school wouldn’t even have been allowed in –’

‘The Mage wouldn’t have bothered to make sure _you_ got in if you weren’t the Chosen One,’ Baz interrupts.

We’ve been avoiding talking about the Mage for this exact reason. I guess I was stupid to think we could just avoid it forever and pretend like everything was okay between us because we’re soulmates.

‘I wouldn’t be here at all if it wasn’t for him!’

‘All he’s done is use you,’ Baz says earnestly. ‘He sends you on quest after quest and then he wants to send you away when things get tough – not to protect you, but because he can’t risk losing his nuclear bomb.’

‘Why are you picking a fight with me, Baz?’ I say. The air around me is crackling with magic, but I won’t go off. I’m better than this. Baz shouldn’t be able to get to me like this anymore.

‘Because you can’t see it,’ he snaps. ‘Because you’re still running after your precious Mage and you refuse to admit that he could ever be in the wrong –’

‘So are you!’ I burst out. ‘You won’t even question the Old Family policies – and I’ve said that I’m not going to fight you, but you haven’t said the same thing.’

He’s silent. He’s towering over me, my magic making the air between us hazy, and he won’t say it.

‘No,’ he says finally. ‘I think you _will_ fight me. I think when the Mage asks you to end me, you’ll do his bidding like always. I think you’re too weak to say no to him.’

My mouth falls open. I won’t go off. I _won’t_. I take a deep breath. ‘That’s not true.’

‘Why not? Why should I believe you?’

I shake my head. I want to close my eyes – I have to stay calm – but I don’t want him to see how much this is costing me. That a few harsh words from him can still make me explode. Because I’m weak.

‘Why are you doing this?’

‘Tell me why I should believe you. You’re my enemy, Snow, tell me why I should trust you now.’

‘Because you’re my soulmate!’ Isn’t that enough? Why isn’t it enough for him? Why is he still saying these things?

I dig my fingers into my palms, blinking back frustrated tears.

‘Go on, Snow,’ he says softly. ‘Lose control. I know you can’t take it.’

I close my eyes. If I could hurt him, I wouldn’t have to go off, but we’re in our room, and besides, I can’t. I can’t.

I open my eyes again, and I see his proud face. He could be made of stone, if not for the glint in his eyes, and he’s so cold, and beautiful, and cruel.

And I thought I could have him, but maybe I was wrong.

‘Go on, Chosen One,’ he whispers. ‘This is what you do, isn’t it? You take, and you take, and then –’

It’s over. I crash, and I burn.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14. Simon.

‘Simon –’ he calls as I run out of the room.

Oh, so now I’m Simon again? I don’t stop.

I run down the path towards the front gate, and I’m halfway across the courtyard when I feel it – the dry, sucking feeling that means the Humdrum is nearby. My heartbeat picks up again and I fight the urge to draw my sword, standing in the middle of the courtyard and looking wildly around. (And up. I learned way back in first year never to forget to look up.)

‘Hello,’ says his voice behind me. I whirl around and find it – him – standing in front of the fountain. He looks just like the last time Penny and I saw him – he’s me. Except now I know that he isn’t just wearing my face to taunt me.

It’s strange, seeing my own eleven-year-old face in front of me, like some strange mirror that looks into your past. There’s two of me now. The one that I am, and the one that I left behind.

‘Hello,’ I say. I take a step forward and place my hands on his shoulders.

I expect him to fight me, maybe try to run, or for some monster to come swooping at me from behind, but nothing happens. The Humdrum stands still, watching me.

I hesitate. We’ve talked about this, but I’m not sure exactly what I’m supposed to do. I’ve been trained to fight, not for… this.

‘I’m going to give it all back,’ I say. He looks back at me with wide blue eyes. He’s so small, and so skinny. He looks lost, but his gaze is steady on mine, and he nods.

I push, just a little. I think about sending my magic back to him, I think about filling him up with it, and I feel it start to pour out of me.

‘It’s working,’ I say out loud.

The Humdrum nods again.

He’s just a boy. Just a hole that wants to be filled, like Penny said.

‘Simon!’

The shout jolts me out of my focus for a moment and I look up, the flow of magic stopping. The Humdrum feels less solid under my hands.

The Mage is running across the courtyard towards me.

‘Simon, stop,’ he says. I look from the Mage to the Humdrum. My eleven-year-old face is scrunched up in annoyance or confusion.

‘It’s okay,’ I say. ‘I’m giving him my magic. It’s what I’m supposed to do.’

‘No,’ the Mage says. He’s almost standing between us now, looking like he’s tempted to drag my hands away from the Humdrum’s shoulders, but he doesn’t. ‘You have to fight it, not give it your magic. Whatever it is you’re trying to do, it won’t work.’

I shake my head. ‘No, listen, I’m the one causing the Humdrum. It’s why I have so much magic. I’m sucking it out of the atmosphere, through the Humdrum, somehow.’

The Humdrum tilts his head. ‘I never got to learn how to use a wand,’ he says. ‘So it’s only fair that I use you instead.’

The Mage frowns. ‘Simon, that’s impossible. That’s not the reason.’

‘But it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?’

‘No, I’m certain that’s not why you have so much magic, or why you’re the Chosen One. Trust me, Simon, there’s another reason. Step back.’

I drop my hands from the Humdrum’s shoulders, and Baz’s face flashes through my mind. He’d mock me for this. He’d say I’m weak. _Fuck him_.

‘Shame,’ says the Humdrum. ‘You were warm.’

‘Sir, the holes appear every time I go off,’ I say. ‘I went off just now before he showed up. You have to see that there’s a link.’

The Mage frowns. ‘That’s just a correlation, Simon. You tend to go off only when it sends things to attack you, and that’s when the holes appear.’

The Humdrum turns away like he’s bored, and starts bouncing my red ball on the pavement.

‘That’s what we thought at first, but –’

‘Why did you go off now?’ the Mage interrupts.

I feel myself blush. ‘I – I had a fight with Baz.’

‘About what?’

‘Uh – about you, and the war. He – he’s the one who figured it out, about me being the Humdrum. He’s been –’

How can I possibly explain to the Mage why it matters so much to me now that Baz and I fought? That I think we’re over and he hates me again?

‘Simon, I think your roommate probably picked a fight with you to wind you up,’ the Mage says, and his voice is almost gentle. ‘You have to remember that he’s a Pitch, even if he is your roommate. He wants to win this war as much as we do, and if this is what it takes to make you give up your magic, I have no doubt he’d do it.’

‘But –’ But he’s my soulmate.

‘Do you think it’s possible that he intended to make you go off?’

Fuck. The Mage is right. It’s not like we didn’t know we were on opposite sides of a war when we found out we were soulmates. We’ve been avoiding talking about the Mage or the Old Families ever since it happened. Even Penny’s noticed. Why would he suddenly start saying all that stuff just now? He called me his enemy, right after I told him I wasn’t going to fight him. After I made it obvious that I care for him.

And he didn’t say it back.

‘Okay,’ I croak. ‘But still, Penny –’

It doesn’t matter, does it? Whatever Baz’s motives are, this is more important. I trust Penny.

Unless Baz was lying about me being the Humdrum. Unless he made the whole thing up and we both played right into his hands.

Fuck. I don’t know what to do. If only Penny was here. If only I could _think_ properly and everything wasn’t so confusing and I wasn’t scared of disappointing the Mage and losing Baz because I want so badly to trust him, for it to be real –

But when I turn back to the Humdrum – because right now he’s my only solid clue – he’s already gone.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15. Baz.

‘Simon!’

I hear his feet thundering down the stairs. They don’t pause when I call his name.

My hands are shaking. He hates me – I saw the look on his face, seconds before he went off – I don’t know if he’ll forgive me. I wouldn’t. Not after the things I said. Stupid git – strong and stubborn and courageous fuck that he is – couldn’t just go off when I picked a fight with him, he had to make me go and say all those things. I didn’t think I would have to go that far.

He has to forgive me. He has to understand why I did it. We’re running out of time.

I straighten up – fucking hurry up, Baz, no point in standing here shaking – and chase after him. I can’t stop seeing the look in his eyes, the way his magic blurred around him and slipped out of his control, and hearing the things I said. I was never supposed to make him feel like that again. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t.

He has to understand that I didn’t mean it.

I reach the entrance to Mummers House and hesitate. Where would he have gone? Probably to the Wavering Wood to blow off steam or hack at a tree. That’s what he would have done, when he was angry and frustrated with me – but this is different. It wasn’t his nemesis saying those things, it was his soulmate.

I make up my mind and start running down the path to the Cloisters. He might have gone to Bunce, but even if he hasn’t, I have to speak to her. He’ll listen to her, even if he might not listen to me. He’ll understand if she tells him it was her idea.

‘Get Penelope Bunce,’ I growl at the first girl I see, leaving the Cloisters just as I’m running up to the door. She takes one look at me and lets out a squeak, turning on her heel and heading back inside.

Maybe I should go find Simon. We don’t know how soon the Humdrum is going to show up, if it works at all, but I should be with him. Even if he probably doesn’t want to see me right now.

‘Where’s Simon? Is everything okay?’ Bunce asks, stopping in front of me. She’s out of breath.

‘I don’t know where he is, I did what you asked, I made him go off, and he’s run off, and he’ll never forgive me,’ I say, and to my horror I feel tears stinging my eyes.

‘It’s okay, Baz,’ she says. ‘It’ll be okay. We have to find him.’

I nod and turn around, marching back down the path. I swallow down the lump in my throat and make my voice sharp. ‘Where would he go? The Wavering Wood?’

Before Bunce can reply, we see him – he’s walking up the path back to Mummers House, and the Mage is following close behind him. I draw a sharp breath.

‘Something happened,’ Bunce whispers. Simon has reached the door. The Mage says something to him and he nods and walks in, his head bent.

‘Fuck,’ I mutter under my breath. ‘Come on, Bunce.’

A seventh-year boy walks out of Mummers House and the Mage stops him. I growl quietly.

‘Go, Baz,’ Bunce says. ‘I’ll come up later.’

Right. She can’t go in with the Mage watching. I don’t wait to be told twice, striding past the Mage and barely suppressing a glare. I have more important things to deal with right now.

I take the stairs up to the top of Mummers House two at a time. When I open the door to our room, Simon is lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He doesn’t turn his head when I walk in.

I walk over to him hesitantly. ‘Simon –’

‘No.’ His voice is low, and he still doesn’t turn his head.

‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ I stand by the end of his bed, too scared to come closer.

‘No.’

‘I didn’t mean any of it,’ I say.

‘Sure, Baz.’

‘Truly. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I –’

‘I don’t want to hear it,’ he says, finally sitting up.

‘Please listen to me –’

‘No, I’m done listening to you –’

I move forward to sit on his bed, reaching for him (because I need him, because this is killing me). ‘Simon, please –’

He scrambles back and jumps to his feet. ‘No, don’t touch me, get off my fucking bed,’ he says.

‘If you’d just let me explain,’ I say, but I do as he says. We’re standing in the space between our beds, and the look he gives me is frightened and devastated and furious all at once.

‘Did you say all that stuff to make me go off?’ he asks. He’s holding his hands up in front of his chest like he expects me to reach for him again, like he’ll fight me off if I do.

‘Yes, but Bunce –’

‘How do I know you’re telling the truth about the soulmates?’

I stop breathing. ‘What?’

‘How do I know you didn’t make the whole thing up? How do I know you weren’t lying about not biting anyone?’

‘Because you know me? Because you trust me?’ My voice breaks on the last word. ‘Crowley, Simon, did you talk to the Mage about this? Did he make you think that?’

‘Not exactly,’ he says.

‘Does he know we’re soulmates?’

He flinches. ‘No.’

‘Does he know about you and the Humdrum?’ My voice is rising, and I don’t want to yell at him, not after what happened earlier, but I’m panicking.

‘Yes,’ he growls.

‘Do you really think there’s nothing in this for the Mage? Especially now that he knows you can possibly give your magic away?’

‘I don’t fucking know!’ he shouts. ‘I don’t know what to think, Baz. I don’t know anything anymore.’

I have to fix this, but I don’t fucking know how, and maybe he’s better off – he’s not better off. He’s hurt, and it’s making him run back to the Mage, and for all my faults, at least I truly love him. I would promise to love him right and never hurt him again, if only he’d let me.

‘Listen,’ I say, quietly, urgently, ‘I didn’t say any of that to hurt you, and I didn’t mean any of it, Bunce asked me to make you go off because we were worried about running out of time, we wanted to summon the Humdrum –’

He sits down on his bed and crosses his arms. ‘Baz,’ he says. ‘I don’t care whose idea it was. I just need you to leave, okay?’

‘It’s my room, too,’ I say stupidly. (What I really want to ask is if he means _for good_. If he means I should leave _him_.)

‘I know,’ he says. ‘Just go.’

‘Fine,’ I choke out. But I stay standing there, watching him – for ten seconds, twenty – willing him to change his mind. Fearing that the damage will be irreparable if I go.

But he doesn’t change his mind, so in the end, I do as he asks.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16. Penny.

The Mage finally leaves, and then another group of boys comes out of Mummers House, and I can finally sneak in. I almost run into Baz on the stairs.

‘What happened?’

He looks like he’s going to cry. ‘You have to tell him about our plan,’ he says. ‘Tell him it was your idea.’

He looks so distraught, so unlike himself, and he’s right. It was my idea. I only did this because I had to protect Simon at all costs – I _had_ to – and I knew he would understand that. I know how he feels. I guess I used him.

‘I am truly sorry, Baz,’ I say. ‘Of course I’ll tell him.’

I climb the rest of the way up to their room.

‘Simon?’ I say, my ear pressed against the door.

‘You can come in,’ he says. He sounds tired.

I go to sit next to him on his bed, leaning into him. He presses back.

‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ I prompt.

He does, glossing over the details of his fight with Baz, and then explaining how he met the Humdrum in the courtyard, and how our plan worked until the Mage told him to stop.

‘I was still going to do it,’ he says miserably, ‘after I explained to the Mage and he still didn’t agree. But then the Humdrum was already gone. But I _was_ going to do it. I was.’

‘It’s okay, Simon. I believe you.’

He’s quiet for a long moment, staring at his feet. ‘I don’t,’ he says finally. ‘Baz was – he was right. I am weak. The Humdrum was right there, and I knew what to do, and I didn’t do it.’

‘That’s not true,’ I say. ‘You wanted to make absolutely sure you were doing the right thing. That’s not weakness, that’s just good sense.’

He shrugs.

‘Really, Simon. We know there’s a chance the Mage is right, and maybe giving your magic to the Humdrum would backfire on us. We can’t know.’

He looks up, frowning. ‘But you don’t believe that, right?’

‘No. We know you’re linked to the Humdrum because of Baz. I think we’re right.’

‘But how do we know that’s even true?’ He leans back against the wall. ‘Am I supposed to trust Baz? What if he made the whole thing up to fuck with me?’

‘Simon, I have to tell you something.’

‘That he made me go off on purpose? I already know that. What if it was all just an Old Families plot?’

‘It was my idea. I talked him into it. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to ruin what was between you,’ I say.

His mouth is turned down. I think of Baz’s desperation on the stairs. I’m starting to realise that I can only guess at the true depth of his feelings for Simon.

‘I get why he picked a fight,’ Simon says. ‘But he didn’t have to be so – so – the things he said, Penny. It was like we were still enemies.’

I sigh quietly. I guess that soulmate or not, Baz is still Baz.

‘He really cares about you,’ I say. I don’t believe he’s that good an actor. I don’t believe he could fake all this. Though I guess he did fake all those years of hating Simon, and he was pretty damn good at it.

Simon says nothing. I’m about to get up and go to give him space to think – when he gets like this, it’s best just to give him time – when he turns his head to look at me.

‘Who do I trust, Penny? Baz or the Mage?’

I shake my head. ‘Only you can make that decision.’

*

We stop holding the meetings in Simon and Baz’s room. There’s no more strategizing to do. It’s up to Simon to decide what he wants to do, when he next meets the Humdrum. Making him go off isn’t an option anymore, so we’re back to waiting. Besides, it’s not much use now that Simon and Baz won’t talk to each other.

I’m scared. We might only have a few days left before the Old Families make a move. I don’t know what will happen to Simon, especially now that we don’t know whose side Baz is on, or what he’s planning on doing.

I do the only thing I can think to do when I’m this stressed and confused. I phone Mum on my mobile, when I know Trixie’s gone to visit Keris (I don’t trust her not to report me) (and I know if she’s with Keris she won’t be back for a long time).

We chat about school and my siblings, and then my mum cuts straight to the chase.

‘Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?’

‘Yeah, I’m just wondering about soulmates. Are they…’ I hesitate. I’m not entirely sure what I’m trying to ask. ‘It’s just that Simon…’ But that’s his secret to tell.

‘When I was at Watford – at your age – I had a best friend,’ Mum says. ‘She told me her soulmate’s secret was that he was the greatest threat to the World of Mages that we’ve ever known.’

I frown. Isn’t the Humdrum the greatest threat?

‘Her name was Lucy,’ Mum continues, and her voice softens when she says her name. ‘She thought Davy was a revolutionary. She loved him. I never trusted him, especially knowing his darkest secret, but Lucy… she thought it meant she had to stay with him. That she could keep an eye on him and stop it from happening.’

‘Mm-hmm.’ I hold my breath, waiting for her to keep talking. When Mum tells me a story, there’s always a reason for it, even if I can’t always tell what it is at the time.

‘She disappeared, Penny, about a year before you were born. I don’t know what happened to her. He wouldn’t tell me.’

‘…Oh.’

‘I guess what I’m trying to say is that just because someone is your soulmate, doesn’t mean they are the person you would be happiest and healthiest with. I know there’s magic in it and maybe it’s inevitable that way, but I think it’s something you should keep in mind. We still have our free will.’

I nod. It makes sense – Baz and Simon are soulmates, but it doesn’t have to mean that they will be happy together – or together at all – if they don’t learn to trust and forgive each other. If they don’t stop treating each other like enemies.

‘Wait – Mum – what happened to Davy?’

‘Nothing happened to him,’ Mum says. ‘He’s running Watford now, just like he wanted.’

‘The _Mage_?’

‘Yes, now you know why I’ve always been so suspicious of him. I didn’t mean to tell you this as a warning, but maybe you should know, since you’re so close to Simon. Don’t let him do anything dangerous with that magic of his.’

‘Okay, Mum, I know. Thanks. I have to go. Talk soon, okay?’

‘Okay. Take care, love.’

‘Bye.’ I hang up and start pacing.

The Mage is the greatest threat to the World of Mages, but the _Humdrum_ is the greatest threat to the World of Mages, but we already know he’s not the Mage, because he’s Simon. What does this mean? There’s another threat that we don’t even know about? The Mage is going to be the one to start the war that will end us all?

Or… the Mage caused the Humdrum?

I freeze. I think about what Mum said. Lucy disappeared around a year before I was born…

I pick up the phone and press redial.

‘Mum? Have you got a picture of Lucy?’


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17. Baz.

We don’t speak to each other.

‘I didn’t mean any of it,’ I tried telling him when I came back late that night.

‘Okay,’ he said, turning to face the wall. I think he just said it so I’d know he heard me, and he didn’t care. Either he doesn’t believe me, or it doesn’t change anything.

I understand. I know why he’s doing this, why he won’t speak to me now, why he doesn’t want to listen or try to fix things. It was foolish of me – of both of us – to think this could work. To think that we could be together just because we are soulmates, and that none of the rest of it would matter. The war, and the Old Families, and the Mage, and the prophecy. Our true destinies.

I’m at my desk now, and he’s sitting on his bed with some homework. I usually go to the library or the Catacombs to avoid him when I know he’ll be here. I don’t know why I’ve come back today, maybe because I’m weak and I can’t stay away. I keep hoping he’ll say something to me. I can’t stand this. It’s worse than the fighting was.

At least he doesn’t stand up and leave when I come in. He just keeps his head down and pretends I’m not here.

I can’t focus. The minutes are ticking by and I’m staring at the same page I was looking at half an hour ago. I can feel it every time he shifts, every time he turns a page or sighs quietly. I can feel the distance between us like a gaping black hole. It hurts.

When the little sounds of him stop – the rustling of pages, the tapping of his pen, his quiet and constant breathing – I turn my head slightly to look at him, and catch him as his eyes fly away from mine, back to the page in front of him. That’s the only way I know that he’s as aware of me as I am of him, that he feels the tension in the air, thick and almost unbearable, the same way I do.

I wonder if it makes him want to scream. I wonder if it makes him want to spit curse words at me. I wonder if it makes him want to kiss me.

(When I put it like that, it’s not much different to how I felt when we were fighting.)

I look at him again. He’s hunched over a textbook, perfectly still, not even blinking. He turns a page. If I asked, I doubt he’d be able to repeat a single thing that he’s just read.

I sigh quietly.

I don’t know what to say to make him forgive me. I don’t know if I deserve to be forgiven.

There’s a knock on the door.

Simon looks up and meets my eyes. I hold my breath.

‘Who is it?’ I say, after a long moment where neither of us moves. I tear my gaze away and walk over to open the door.

‘Bunce.’

‘Baz. Is Simon here?’

I step aside and look back at him, expecting him to get up and leave with her. They don’t talk about anything important around me anymore. Instead, Bunce walks past me and sits cross-legged on my bed.

‘Hey –’ I start to protest, but the look she gives me silences me.

‘I’ve found something out,’ she announces. ‘Something huge. Something… kind of awful.’ She pushes her glasses up her nose and looks at Simon, frowning.

I straighten up and cross my arms. ‘What is it?’

‘It’s about… Simon, it’s about your parents.’

His face pales. The textbook snaps shut in front of him, but he doesn’t seem to notice. ‘What? What is it?’

Bunce glances back at me. ‘Is…’ She looks back at Simon and inclines her head in my direction. I sneer.

Simon looks at me and opens his mouth.

_Please don’t tell me to go._

‘I – just tell me,’ he says.

‘Okay,’ Bunce says, and takes a deep breath. ‘I think – no, I’m sure – that the Mage is your father.’

My fangs pop. _What?_

‘What?’ Simon echoes.

She pulls a photo out of her pocket and shows it to him. I lean forward and try to see it, but I don’t dare come any closer. I don’t want them to remember I’m here and make me leave.

Bunce explains what her mother told her about Lucy and Davy and his secret. She thinks that the Mage made Simon the Greatest Mage intentionally, and in doing so, created the Humdrum. Having started the war and created the thing that’s eating the magic out of the atmosphere, he’s the greatest threat the World of Mages has ever known.

It makes sense.

By the time she finishes explaining it, my hands are clenched into fists by my sides and I’m seeing red. The absolute _bastard_. How could he do this to Simon? How can he act like a saviour, like a hero, when he’s the reason for all our problems? How dare he sit in the office that once belonged to my mother and feel _proud_ about it all?

‘That makes no sense,’ Simon says. His face is red and I can tell he’s struggling to breathe, to hold down his magic. I want to walk over to him and calm him down. I want to take him in my arms and make the world go away. Fuck everything. ‘He had to make me his heir to get me into Watford. He wouldn’t have done that if I was already his son. Penny, this is stupid.’

‘Simon, look at them,’ she says gently. ‘Lucy looks so much like you.’

‘ _No_ ,’ he says. ‘The Mage would have said something.’

‘How else can he be the greatest threat?’ she says. ‘The Humdrum is the greatest threat, and we already know that’s you. But the Humdrum itself isn’t malicious. Its creator is the threat – or was, at the time Lucy was alive and you weren’t born yet.’

‘My parents are Normals,’ Simon says. ‘That’s why my magic is all wrong. That’s why I’m different. Mages never give their kids away. _You_ said that.’

‘I was wrong,’ Penny says. ‘Simon, everything fits together. It has to be the Mage. It explains everything.’

‘But he would have known where I was the whole time. Why wouldn’t he have just kept me? Raised me as a mage?’ He presses his palms to his forehead, shaking his head.

I can’t take it anymore. ‘Because then everyone would have realised he’s a tyrant who created you as a weapon,’ I growl.

Simon’s head whips up. ‘ _Shut up_.’

I flinch. ‘I’m sorry.’

A heavy silence settles between us. Bunce is still staring at Simon, willing him to understand, willing him to believe her. And he will; he trusts her. He doesn’t need me here, upsetting him more, giving him more reason to want to trust the Mage. He doesn’t need to see how furious I am, how tempting it is for me to confront the Mage right now, fangs at the ready. He doesn’t need to know how much I hate seeing him like this, how my heart hurts for him.

Besides, it isn’t my confrontation to have. So I turn and leave the room, fleeing to the darkness of the Catacombs, alone with the rats and my angry tears.

He’ll do the right thing. If nothing else, he’ll save us all, with or without me there to help. I just need him to be okay at the end of it all.

‘That’s all I want,’ I say to my mother’s tomb. ‘Forget everything else, forget everything I ever said I wanted. I don’t care. I just need him to be okay.’


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18. Simon.

‘I hate to say it,’ Penny says once the door closes, ‘but I think Baz is right.’

I shake my head wordlessly. (I know. I know Penny’s right. She never says she’s _sure_ of something unless she really is sure.) I look at the photograph in my hand. The Mage is at least twenty years younger here, maybe even younger than me. He’s in the Watford uniform, giving the camera a proud smile.

He does look a bit like me. He has the same hair in the photo. Lucy, on the other hand… Penny’s right (again). She does look like she could be my mother. It’s so obvious I don’t think I would have missed it even if Penny hadn’t pointed it out (and Baz says I’m notoriously oblivious).

‘Penny, I don’t… I don’t understand,’ I say around the lump in my throat. ‘How can he… the Mage…’ I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think.

I wished for this, in first year, after the Mage took me away from the homes. Sometimes I’d pretend he was my real father, or I’d fantasise that he’d adopt me and I’d get to go live with him over the summers and he’d teach me how to fight monsters. It was okay to wish for it, because it wasn’t real. Because I could dream about it without thinking about what it would mean, that he’d left me in the homes all those years.

‘But –’ I start again. ‘But why – why didn’t he tell me?’

‘I don’t know,’ Penny says. ‘I think he’s the only one who can tell you that.’

‘What happened to my mother?’

‘I don’t know,’ she repeats. ‘She was my mother’s best friend. She disappeared about a year before I was born. It must have been when she was pregnant.’

‘But why?’

She shakes her head. ‘They must have done something. To make you the Greatest Mage. Maybe people would have been able to tell. Maybe they were scared someone would stop them.’

I nod.

I suppose my mother is dead, then. Or she couldn’t handle what they’d done and she left me behind. Or he – he could have sent her away.

I bury my face in my hands. It’s too much. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what to think. Does this mean I’m supposed to trust the Mage? But I can’t. He lied to me. He used me.

Baz was right. _Baz_. I want him. He’s not here, right when I need him most, and it aches. (Not that it matters. Not that Baz would understand.)

‘It’s too much, Penny,’ I say. ‘It’s too much.’

She moves across to sit on my bed, and I hold on to her as the tears start to fall.

*

Hours later, I’m standing outside the Mage’s office, my fist hovering by the door.

I want him to explain it all away and make everything okay, but I can’t even imagine what he could say that would make this okay. I want him to understand what it’s done to me, growing up in those homes, having to go back there every summer and half convince myself that magic wasn’t real and that I won’t get to keep it. I thought he knew. I thought he was the one who saved me from it.

This is the only home I’ve ever had. It should have been the home I grew up in.

I want him to make me understand why he did it. I want him to convince me that all of this was for the best. And I’m scared, because I don’t think he can.

I knock on the door.

‘Sir?’ I wait, my breathing sounding too loud in the stillness. ‘It’s me. Simon.’ (Was he the one who named me? Or was it Lucy?)

‘Come in.’

I push open the door.

‘Did something happen?’ the Mage asks, standing up quickly. ‘Have you heard something? The Humdrum?’

‘N-no,’ I splutter. ‘It’s – you’re – I –’ I fall silent, staring at him. We’re the same height now. It’s the first time I’ve ever noticed. _My father. My dad_. No. He’s always been the Mage. I never even knew his name was Davy. This is all so wrong.

‘What is it, Simon?’ He sounds impatient.

‘You’re my father,’ I blurt out, and hold my breath. (Because a part of me still hopes he’ll say it’s not true.)

His mouth drops open. There’s a wild panic in his eyes and he steps forward, grabbing onto my shoulders. ‘Who told you that?’

‘Is it true?’

‘Yes, Simon, it’s true. Who told you?’

‘Penny. Penny did.’

He lets go of me abruptly and walks back to his desk, picking up his wand. Fear jolts up my spine.

‘Who else knows? Who told her?’ the Mage asks urgently.

‘N-nobody,’ I say, and my words start tripping over each other. ‘She figured it out when her mum told her about Lucy. Nobody else knows. Not even Dr Bunce.’

The Mage visibly exhales, and slips his wand in his pocket. ‘Good. Simon, you can’t tell anyone.’

‘Fine,’ I say. ‘But why? Why didn’t you tell me?’

He sighs and sits behind his desk. ‘Take a seat.’

I stay standing. I need to leave soon. Before I go off and blow everything up.

‘Why?’ I repeat.

‘You have to understand, Simon,’ he says, folding his hands together on top of the desk. ‘It was too risky. If it had gotten out – if the Coven found out, the Old Families –’

‘You made me be – like this,’ I say. I’m surprised when my voice stays steady, and I push on. ‘I’m not the Chosen One. I wasn’t _meant_ to fulfil the prophecy. You just – you did this. That’s why I’m so – so – why I don’t feel like the Greatest Mage.’

Why I can’t even control my magic. Because I wasn’t _meant_ to save the World of Mages. The World of Mages wasn’t supposed to need saving at all. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But that’s not the only reason why my magic is the way it is, why I don’t seem to understand it, why I can’t control it. I didn’t even know I had it until I was eleven years old. Maybe if I had grown up in the World of Mages, like Baz, like Penny, I could have learned.

‘But you _are_ the Greatest Mage,’ the Mage says. ‘I may have created you, but you _are_ the key to that prophecy, Simon. The prophecy needed someone who was strong enough, who knew enough, to be able to do it.’

‘No,’ I say. ‘The Humdrum only exists because of me.’

‘Simon –’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ I interrupt. ‘You could have told me. You could have raised me here.’ I could have grown up with magic, with people like me. I could have had a proper childhood with a father who loved me, without having to be the Chosen One, without having to lead this war. I didn’t have to fight with Baz. We could have been soulmates, without this other destiny getting in the way.

‘You don’t understand,’ the Mage says. ‘Everybody would have known what we’d done, Lucy and I. They would have stopped us – maybe killed you – what would have become of us then? Who would defeat the Humdrum? But perhaps you’re right, Simon, and I’m sorry. This destiny is too much for you. I just have to find a way – to relieve you of it – to do what needs to be done –’

‘What happened to Lucy?’ I ask.

Penny and Baz were right, about the Mage, about everything. I need to get out of here, before I blow up, but I just need to know this one thing. Didn’t my mother want me, as I am, not as a weapon, but as a boy?

‘She – died shortly after she gave birth to you,’ the Mage says. ‘There was nothing I could have done.’

‘What was her secret?’

He presses his lips together. ‘I don’t know,’ he says finally.

I breathe out slowly. _She wasn’t his soulmate?_

‘I mean that I don’t know if this was her secret, exactly,’ the Mage continues, his voice low. ‘But I knew it in my heart the way most people know their soulmate’s secret.’

‘What?’

My magic doesn’t feel like a bomb, an explosion about to go off. It feels different, warm (and getting hotter, almost unbearable), threatening to burst out of me, as though I’m the sun.

‘My rosebud boy,’ the Mage says, and his voice is soft, like he’s somewhere far away. Remembering someone. ‘I never would have left you.’


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19. Penny.

When Simon comes out of the Mage’s office, he’s glowing.

He’s literally glowing, golden light radiating off him and little sparks shooting off his skin. I’ve never seen anything like it.

He runs down the stairs and I follow him out to the courtyard. I can feel the heat of his magic from here, and the static is making strands of hair float up around my face. Something is happening, and this isn’t the way Simon normally goes off. It’s usually much more sudden than this, a quick burst of light and a boom and it’s over.

Now, he’s glowing from the inside out, and he stops in the middle of the courtyard. His eyes are closed, and he holds his arms out, and the light surrounding him glows brighter and then seems to burst forth.

I stop a safe distance away and stare in wonder. It’s almost like the magic is floating out of Simon and returning to the atmosphere.

Something green streaks past me – the Mage – and before I can shout or reach out to stop him, he runs straight into the glare of Simon’s magic and flies back a few metres. He lays on the ground, unmoving, knocked out by the force of it.

Simon keeps glowing, and the air around him is hazy with golden light. The magic radiates off him, shooting out into the air and then dissipating like pieces of paper burning and then shrivelling into nothing. The atmosphere is healing.

And then the Humdrum’s there, standing right in front of Simon. Simon seems to know and opens his eyes straight away. The golden light seems to direct itself straight into the eleven-year-old boy.

‘Thankyou,’ the Humdrum says. I squint, trying to see if he’s fading – he looks like he’s less corporeal – and then I blink once, and he’s gone.

‘Simon, you did it,’ I whisper. ‘It’s over. The Humdrum is gone.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 more chapters to go, and possibly an epilogue.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20. Simon.

It’s over. It’s all over.

My magic is beautiful like this, soft and golden, sinking back into the atmosphere. This doesn’t feel like going off. I can feel the magic getting weaker, the light around me dimming, the more it flows out of me. It will be different now. I’m not the Greatest Mage. I wonder if I’ll even be able to use what’s left.

I close my eyes again. I’m so, so tired, and warm, and weak. I just want to collapse.

It doesn’t stop. It keeps running, and running, and the golden light glows weaker, but it doesn’t stop. How much of it did I take?

I realise that Penny is shouting something and force myself to open my sluggish eyelids. She’s yelling, she’s saying ‘stop’, and she’s running through the blaze towards me. She grabs my arm and yelps, pulling me out of my daze.

‘Penny!’ I cry. ‘Are you okay?’

‘You have to stop!’ she shouts, nursing her arm with one hand. ‘The Humdrum is gone, Simon. If you don’t stop, you won’t have any magic left.’

‘I can’t,’ I say. I think about it – I imagine myself pulling the magic back towards me, closing off – but I can’t. Now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. ‘I can’t,’ I repeat. ‘Penny, help.’

I’m going to lose it. All of it. Maybe it’s the price I have to pay, my real destiny. But Penny says the Humdrum is gone. I’ve done my part. My parents were mages. _This isn’t fair_.

‘You can do it,’ Penny says. ‘Just focus. Come on, Simon.’

I shake my head. ‘I can’t, Penny, I can’t. I’m scared.’

And then Baz is there in front of me, holding onto my arms, grounding me. I don’t know why the magic doesn’t burn him. (Maybe because he isn’t human. Maybe because he’s my soulmate.)

‘Stop,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘You’re not,’ he says.

‘You’re flammable.’

‘Simon, listen to me,’ he says. ‘You have to trust me, okay? You can try to push the magic into me – like you did with the Humdrum – you can try. And I promise I’ll give it all back to you, okay? You have to trust me.’

‘Okay,’ I whisper. I focus on him, on his hands on me, and I think about sending the magic to him. The blaze of light surrounding me shrinks, contained in my arms, in his hands. He straightens suddenly, and I know he feels it. We stand there, staring at each other, with my magic flowing between us, until it finally seems to calm down. The overbearing heat and the hazy light are gone, and it’s just me and him and the sparks held in our joined hands.

I feel him push the magic back to me and it jolts up my arms, like fire, but different. It’s calm and controlled, not like it was before.

Baz lets go. ‘How do you feel?’

I take a deep breath. ‘Better,’ I say. ‘Different.’

He nods.

‘I thought –’ I say. ‘I thought I was going to lose all of it.’

‘I know. I thought so, too.’

‘Thankyou.’

‘You don’t need to thank me.’

‘And I’m sorry,’ I say, looking down at my shoes. ‘For – for not trusting you.’

‘I’m sorry for what I said,’ he says. ‘None of it was true. You defeated the Humdrum, you courageous fuck. You absolute nightmare.’

‘I don’t feel courageous,’ I say. ‘I was terrified.’

I look up at him, and he nods. ‘Me too, Simon.’

And then Penny’s there, still holding onto her arm, and she collapses, hugging me and sobbing.

‘You did it, Simon, you did it, and Baz –’ She turns and drags Baz into the hug. ‘We did it. Look at us, we’re the fucking dream team, we defeated the Insidious Humdrum.’

I laugh through my tears. ‘Penny, your arm –’

‘It’s fine, I’m fine,’ she says, pulling back. She sticks out her arm to Baz. ‘Would you?’

He pulls his wand out of his sleeve. ‘ **Get well soon** ,’ he casts.

‘How come you could touch him and I couldn’t?’ Penny says. ‘Is it a soulmate thing? Maybe your magic is more compatible than mine? I was so scared, Simon, I thought you were going to lose all your magic, I thought you were going to collapse.’

‘I hate to interrupt this little celebration,’ Baz says, stepping back. I follow his gaze to where the Mage is lying on the ground. ‘What are we going to do with him?’

‘Is he dead?’ I ask, horrified.

‘No, no, I don’t think so,’ Penny says. ‘He’s just unconscious. I’m calling Mum.’

I see the way Baz is looking at him, loathing etched into every line of his face. I step forward, ready to hold him back if I need to. Baz looks up and his expression closes off.

‘Right,’ he says. ‘You two don’t need me now, do you?’

_I do_. But I know what he means – to deal with the teachers and Penny’s mum and the Coven – so I shake my head, and he walks off towards the gate.

‘What now?’ I ask when Penny gets off the phone.

‘They’re on their way,’ she says.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Can we go back to our lessons and act as though nothing has happened? Am I still Baz’s enemy, if I’m not the Mage’s Heir anymore, but I’m the Mage’s son instead? What about the Mage, what will they do to him? What do I _want_ them to do to him? I want to talk to him, to find out more about Lucy, but I don’t think I can face him. At least, not yet.

Penny seems to read my mind and wraps her arms around my waist. ‘It’s all going to be okay,’ she says. ‘Whatever happens, we’ll be okay. We’ll carry on.’


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21. Baz.

It takes weeks for things to feel like they’ve almost returned to normal. The Mage is being held and questioned by the Coven. We don’t know everything yet, but they’ve had the decency to keep Simon in the loop with what they’re discovering. I know, because he tells me everything he learns. The first few times he’d come back to the room at night and lay on his bed, not moving and not speaking, just staring at the walls. I don’t think he was even talking to Bunce. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it, sure that he wouldn’t respond, but he did, his words slow and halting at first, but now he tells me everything. I think it helps him come to terms with it.

Mitali Bunce has taken over the running of the school in the Mage’s absence, though nobody knows whether it’s permanent. The Old Families were notified immediately after the Coven realised the Humdrum was truly gone, and they’ve announced that they will withhold their attack. Fiona says she has no intention of participating in the war now that the Mage is gone. Some of my father’s friends still want their old power back. I think with the Mage out of the way, we might actually be able to reach a compromise.

Simon is safe. That’s the most important thing. The Coven knows about the Mage creating him to be the Chosen One, and that he was never meant to have all that power, but they still don’t know that he was causing the Humdrum. Bunce is scared that the Mage will tell them. I know he won’t. If everyone was going to find out, it wouldn’t be Simon’s biggest secret.

I don’t know if he’s really alright, though. There are times when I see him completely zone out, and I know he’s thinking about the Mage. Why he left Simon in those homes all those years. Why he had to grow up without magic. Why the Mage didn’t want to keep him.

Every single night when we’re in our room together, being civil to each other, and especially when Simon talks to me, I want to scream. I want to yell and curse at the Mage for what he did to him, for making him feel unwanted and unloved for so long. But I hold myself back, for Simon’s sake. Because it’s not what Simon needs to hear right now. I know that for him, having lived it, having trusted the Mage as his only father figure, it’s more complicated than that.

The Coven have told him that once they’ve finished questioning the Mage, Simon can talk to him if he likes. If he needs the closure, or wants to ask any questions. Simon says he’s not ready.

One night I return from the Catacombs and find him sitting up in bed in the darkness, breathing heavily. His head snaps up when I open the door.

‘I can’t feel my magic,’ he gasps.

I shut the door and run to his side. ‘Snow?’

‘I can’t feel my magic, Baz, it’s gone, I can’t feel it, I can’t, I can’t…’

There are tears streaking down his cheeks. I kneel down in front of him (I can’t sit on his bed – I haven’t brought up the soulmates or asked him what he wants to do about it, not when he has so much else to deal with).

‘Simon, look at me,’ I say. ‘It was just a nightmare. Your magic is fine.’

He gulps. ‘No, Baz, you don’t understand, I can’t feel it –’

‘I can smell it,’ I tell him. ‘Okay?’

‘Are you sure?’ he whispers.

‘ _Yes_. Super smell, remember?’

He nods, sniffling.

‘Good,’ I say. ‘You’re just not used to having less magic, like the rest of us. I promise you it’s still there.’

It’s not true (the first part, about him having less magic). He’s still more powerful than most mages. Probably more powerful than me, which I’ll admit I find irritating. His mother must have been quite powerful too, and we all know what the Mage was like.

Simon Snow still smells like smoke.

*

When Snow seems like he’s starting to recover – the nightmares are less frequent, and he’s calmer when he wakes up, and he stops zoning out in the middle of class – it becomes obvious that he’s not much better at using his magic than he used to be. I would argue that he’s gotten worse, hard as that may be to believe (the bar wasn’t very high in the first place) (thankfully, I’ve had the sense not to say any of this out loud, though it took a lot of self-control). When he’s finally ready to start participating in class again, we realise he has no idea how to use his magic. Turns out his old strategy was mostly sheer willpower and luck.

He gets frustrated, growling and swearing and looking like he wants to break his wand in half. He’s like an eleven-year-old in their first year at Watford, trying to cast eighth year spells. It’s strange, watching him get more and more frustrated, without feeling his fiery magic spill across the room. I still know exactly what he’s thinking and feeling. I’m so attuned to him that I can see it in his posture, even when he isn’t facing me.

‘Fuck!’

The whole class bends their heads, pretending to focus on their own spells, pretending that they don’t all hear him.

‘I can’t do it,’ he says to Penny, and I hear him jump to his feet. ‘I can’t do anything. Maybe my magic doesn’t work anymore.’

‘Try again,’ she says. ‘Concentrate. You have to draw the magic up.’

‘I _can’t_ ,’ he growls. ‘Maybe I’m just hopeless. _Fuck_.’

I turn around. As soon as his plain blue eyes land on mine, he looks down at his desk, his cheeks red.

‘Snow,’ I say firmly. ‘You’re not hopeless. Let me help you.’

He lifts his gaze. ‘How?’

‘I’ll teach you how to use magic. Properly.’

He’s quiet, thinking it over in that slow way of his.

‘Let me help you,’ I repeat.

‘Okay.’ And he sits back down, dropping his chin in his hands.

Maybe if I do this, I can make up for everything I’ve ever done to hurt him.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22. Simon.

‘Light a match inside your heart,’ Baz says, ‘and blow on the tinder.’

I stare at the cup of tea in front of me, concentrating.

‘ **Some like it hot** ,’ I cast. I feel it – the match, the spark, or whatever Baz thinks magic should feel like – but it’s not enough.

Before, if I tried to cast a simple spell like this, I’d worry about setting the room on fire, or at least cracking the mug. Now my magic feels so faint that I can’t even channel it into this one little thing. Baz says I just need to learn how to use it the way everyone else does. Basically I have to start from scratch. I can’t even do things that most eight-year-old mages know how to do.

‘Try it,’ Baz commands, pointing to the cup.

‘What’s the point?’ I grumble, though I take a sip anyway. It’s lukewarm, which is probably an improvement over how it was before, but not by much. ‘I know it didn’t work. I can tell.’

‘Again,’ Baz says. He’s sitting on his bed, arms crossed over his chest. The tea is on the bedside table between us.

I sigh. ‘Baz, we’ve been doing this all day, it’s not going to work –’

‘Again,’ he says.

‘ _Fine_.’ I point my wand at the teacup. ‘ **Some like it hot!** It’s fucking useless.’ I throw my wand on my bed and it rolls off onto the floor.

‘Snow, calm down,’ Baz says. ‘Concentrate.’

‘I’ve been concentrating. I’m done, okay? I’m tired. Leave me alone.’ I know I shouldn’t growl at him. I know he’s doing this for me, to help me, even though there’s nothing in it for him and I’m a terrible student. He just sits there looking perfect and calm and I keep botching up spell after spell. It’s embarrassing.

‘Fine,’ Baz says. ‘If you’re going to be difficult – _fine_. It’s your life.’ He gets up and stalks out of the room.

I don’t know why he cares so much. Maybe he doesn’t want a hopeless ex-Chosen One, ex-Humdrum who can’t even do magic for a soulmate.

*

I’ve started thinking about it again. I mean, about him. Baz.

I know that he was always telling the truth and that he never tried to hurt me. His family knows I’m not the Greatest Mage anymore, so I know they won’t try to kill me, and nobody will ever be able to make me hurt him for the sake of a war that isn’t going to happen.

I wasn’t ready to think about it, or to talk about it with Baz, for weeks after everything happened. I’ve only just gotten used to the idea that the Mage is my father. I’ve only just stopped waking up screaming thinking I’ve lost all my magic. I’m still working on not blaming myself for the Humdrum.

But now that everything’s starting to settle down and my life at Watford almost feels normal (minus the magic that was always just within my reach, just under my fingertips), I’m thinking about it again. I know I have feelings for him. I know I want him to kiss me again. It’s just that… I might not be the Mage’s Heir anymore, but I’m the Mage’s son. I’m not the same person I was when he realised I was his soulmate. It’s not fair to expect him to still want me.

*

‘I think you can’t use magic because you don’t believe in it,’ Baz says.

‘What the fuck does that mean?’

‘It means you don’t think you can do it,’ he says.

‘No, you’re right,’ I spit, dropping my wand and the pencil I’m supposed to be levitating. ‘I don’t think I can do it. Are you happy?’

‘ _No_ ,’ Baz says. ‘Crowley, I’ve been working with you on this for hours, and we’ve gotten nowhere, why would I be happy?’

‘There, see?’ I say, pointing in his face. He shoves my hand away. ‘You don’t believe I can do it either.’

‘Snow,’ Baz warns. ‘Don’t you dare tell me what I believe –’

‘You don’t. You know I can’t. Now that I’m not the Chosen One, I’m not good for anything, right? My own father thought so, why shouldn’t you?’

‘ _Snow.’_

‘Fuck this,’ I say, rushing towards the door. ‘Fuck you.’

*

I’ve calmed down by evening, and now my frustration is turning into panic. He’s just trying to help me, and I keep driving him away and saying shit that I don’t mean. He’s been so patient. And I _am_ getting better, a little bit. I need his help. I need him.

He doesn’t try to talk to me when I finally talk myself into going back. We both get ready for bed in silence. I know I should apologise, but I don’t know what to say. I feel like I’m just going to fuck it up if I try.

We’re both lying in bed, with the lights out and the window open (we’ve gotten used to having it like this, we stopped fighting about it years ago), when he breaks the silence.

‘Simon?’ he asks softly. ‘Are you awake?’

‘Yeah,’ I whisper, turning my head to him. I can’t see anything in the dark, but I imagine that he’s looking at me too.

‘There’s something I need to say to you,’ he says. ‘And I want you to just listen.’

I breathe in as quietly as I can. (What is it? I wish I knew what he’s thinking.)

‘Okay, Simon?’ he says. ‘Just listen.’

I nod. I know he can see me, with his vampire senses. He told me that a while ago. (When we were together.)

‘I’m not saying this because I want something from you,’ he says. ‘I don’t expect – I don’t know. I’m only saying it because I think it’s important that you know.’

I lean forward, inching towards the edge of my bed.

‘I know that you think the Mage gave you away because he didn’t want you, or because you weren’t good enough,’ he continues, his voice low. ‘And I can’t imagine what it feels like – growing up in homes – without anyone to really take care of you. Or –’ He swallows. ‘To love you.’

He’s quiet, and I hold my breath.

‘I just don’t want you to think that you’re unlovable, or that you don’t deserve love,’ he whispers. ‘Because you’re wonderful, Simon, and brave and selfless, and you deserve everything. You – you’re the sun.’

_The sun._ I almost laugh, because if I was like the sun before, I’m nothing now, and how can he –

But he’s not finished.

‘So I just need you to know that I love you.’

I think I’m crying, a little bit. Whatever he’s trying to do, it’s working. Because I know he means it, because I can hear it in his voice, because he’s the one who had the most reason to hate me.

And he says he loves me.

‘Baz –’ I stop, sniffling. ‘I – Baz –’

‘I don’t want you to say it back,’ he says. ‘I don’t expect –’

‘Baz,’ I try again.

‘You don’t have to say anything.’

‘ _Baz_ ,’ I say. ‘I love you too. I do. I love you. You’re my soulmate.’

‘I know we’re soulmates, but that’s not why –’

‘It’s not why for me, either,’ I say.

I feel it now. The magic. Not the way it was before, and maybe it’s a different kind of magic that I’m feeling right now, but I think I could cast a spell if I wanted to.

Or not. Maybe I’m just confusing this other thing – _love_ – with magic. It doesn’t matter. I’ll practice the same spells over and over again for months on end if I have to. I’ll make him so proud of me.

I get to my feet and take my wand off the nightstand. ‘ **Twinkle twinkle little star** ,’ I whisper.

And we kiss under the light of the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! Thankyou so much if you’ve made it this far, I can’t express enough what it means to me to know that people are reading and enjoying my writing. And to the people who said such nice things and freaked out in the comments, the greatest thing for me is knowing that I’ve made you feel something, so THANKYOU. I love you.


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